2023 Week 10 LoL FFL Post:

Nazim Parupia
Nov 15, 2023
5 min read

BROUGHT TO YOU BY KYRIACOS

The post this week has been brought to you by Next Gen Stats powered by aws (a Jeff Bezos Production) a partner of the NFL and its subsidiaries. Any use of these stats, without the express written consent of me, is strictly prohibitted. Please enjoy the content of this post. If you don’t….well then ever so kindly fuck off.

All the stats that proceed this sentence are real and intended to have us all pause for a cause, that shows us our flaws, that rip us out the jaws, of life, and make us slip from our feet, and stop the defeat, so take a seat and listen up, bitch. You about to learn something, ya dig? All my real football lovers shout Hey-Ohhhh! I said Hey-Ohhh! Hey-Ohhh!! All my real Chris haters say Gay-Hoe——Gay Hoe! I can’t hear you!! Gay-Hoe!! I said Gay-Hoe!!! Louder! One time for the sublime rhymes from a blind mime, that derive fun times, on an implied wind chime, that can paralyze your spine, man. Eat shit Chris!!!!! Now let’s get into the games.

Kcos vs Humza

For the first time in league history a team was without two first round picks from the same draft class in the same week of the season. As Cooper Kupp and Travis Kelce both were on a bye week. Also the reigning league MVP joined them all but ensuring a Humza loss. He’s not a loser just someone who loses often. Next Gen Stats show his losing probability to close out this year at 99.9%. So moderately high to low likelihood that losing does indeed occur. Eat shit Humza! Respectfully.

Colt vs Naz

Next we have Colt and Naz. Next gen stats show that Naz has the first team to ever go under scoring 800 points this late into the season. This is the worst points for a user ever. Also we have the lowest Derrick Henry has ever scored in a Week 10 fantasy contest since 2011. Huge fall off from his illustrious 2010 season with the Steelers. I’m very proud to see Naz pull out strong! Great pull out game sir!

Ahsan vs Ali

In the battle of the A brothers: We have the most points scored all year by the Blue Bombers Najee Harris. In his Canadian league debut, he scored a baker’s dozen of points and then some more. Kind of like a fortnight of points with then like some more additional points if we are being technical. But not necessarily, it’s just some statistical analysis. Whatever shmosetzer! The Jews! Congrats Ahsan!

Yas vs Rimmel

Well well, Dicker sticker pumpkin licker booger flicker! Shave my ass and call me Rudy Giuliani. Just call me Shirley and take a dogs nut sack to my chin, because I’ve seen it all. This is the first time in league history we’ve ever had a person fall directly on 69.1. Exactly 69 points higher than my identity! Oh by the way I’m a non binary, non gender nonconforming, a-sexual, hand exploration expert, boss ass bitch, get’er done kind of gal. No hugs for me. Eat shit Yas! 69 dat shit!

Parth vs Alex

Rape in the N’th degree. Next Gen Stats shows that this is the first time Parth enjoyed the Broncos playing on Primetime. Next Gen Stats also show that Russell Wilson is still indeed, verifiably, NOT Him. So sad. Alex was carried by a hobbled Allen. Thus help them out in the end. Scratch dem backs! Eat shit someone.

Chris vs Sean

Next Gen Stats show that Chris has the anal sphincter control of a 83 year old man with full-blown prostate cancer, post-op from a colonoscopy. Sean added one more enlarged penis snapped object, inserted sideways for maximal pain infliction. But Chris takes it beautifully. Wow. He might set the Genius World Record here Stan! That’s right, longest streak of consecutive time with anal probs inserted while not showing any facial expression on his face. Wow. Still going!!! Go Chris Go!! 10 more seconds. 9-8-7-6-5-4-3-2-1- There it is folks! HE DID IT!!! Chris looks to exceed the record next week. Prayers for him and more importantly for his family. I’m playing to do the same this week Sean. No bullshit. We are going in bro! Be afraid!! Eat shit Chris, you Gay-Hoe!!!

INSIGHTS:

[LAST WEEK] Firstly, I have officially been eliminated from the playoffs… no surprise there!

[UPDATE] I guess not anymore?!

- The race to the bottom looks all but settled to be Parth v Naz

- Kyriacos has all but locked up the relegation division and is looking at securing a 1st round bye and being promoted to the champions division next year

- Still a tight race for the 2nd spot being promoted and relegated

- A very tight race for the last spots in the playoffs: We’re 10 weeks in out of 14 and 9 teams still have 30+% chance to make the playoffs

- I have the least points scored and the most points scored against me thus far: will need to go back at year’s end and examine if this is the largest point spread on the season ever?

- Kcos’ mark of 70+ points/week should be achieved by myself: I only require an average of 46 points the last 4 weeks to meet this mark

- Only twice this year has my opponent scored less than 100 points; on both occasions, I’ve scored more (90+ points) and won my games; all my losses have been of significant margins

- I just want to point out that Yas decided to bench Hockensen, who scored 22 points more than Cade Otton in his lineup; he went on to lose by 21 points… On the flip side, Sutton’s shoes saved me this week – the margins in this game a razor thin and sometimes it doesn’t show up on the scoreboard as a “close game”

- Also, I’m still mad at Kcos cause Mike Evans should be on my team and will probably help him win a championship ☹

- All that talk of the in-season league cup last week: in the theoretical championship, Kcos would’ve beat Ahsan by 9 points to secure the chip, too bad it’s only in theory…