2023 Week 13 LoL FFL Post:

Nazim Parupia
Dec 8, 2023
6 min read

BROUGHT TO YOU BY KYRIACOS

(Prologue)

Everyone has AIDS!

AIDS, AIDS, AIDS!!!

AIDS, AIDS, AIDS!!!!!!

AIDS, AIDS, AIDS!!!!

Everyone has AIDS!!!!!!

And so this is the end of our story

And everyone is dead from AIDS

It took from me my best friend, my only true pal

My only bright star

(He died of AIDS)

Well I'm gonna march on Washington

Lead the fight and charge the brigades

There's a hero inside of all of us

I'll make them see everyone has AIDS

My Father

(AIDS)

My sister

(AIDS)

My uncle and my cousin and her best friend

(AIDS, AIDS, AIDS)

The gays and the straights and the whites and the spades

Everyone has AIDS

My grandma and my dog 'ol blue

(AIDS, AIDS, AIDS)

The pope has got it and so do you

(AIDS, AIDS, AIDS, AIDS, AIDS)

C'mon everybody we got quilting to do

(AIDS, AIDS, AIDS, AIDS, AIDS)

We gotta break down these barricades, everyone has

AIDS, AIDS, AIDS!

AIDS, AIDS, AIDS!!!

AIDS, AIDS, AIDS!!!!!

AIDS used to kill its victims swiftly, just like a Travis Kelce sponsored Pfizer vaccine. However today, after a HIV+ diagnosis, you can lead a relatively healthy long life, slowly naturally dying like the rest of us. Recently, studies have shown that people getting the AIDS virus has sharply declined. The only community in the entire USofA with a reported spike in AIDS per capita is the rural small town of Abilene, Texas. Traditionally a conservative city, closeted homosexuals have been on the rise in Abilene. More investigation needs to happen to see what’s different there, but we’ll leave that to Candice Owens and her stinky pussy!!!

Each game will be ANALyzed this week by a person impacted by this very serious and common GayBoi disease.

Yas vs Kcos

(by Charlie Sheen)

If you were to borrow my brain for 5 seconds you would be like ‘’Unplug this bastard’’ because it fires in a way that is not from this particular terrestrial plane man. Yas is just like me, Bi-Winning!! All he does is win. He gaped Kcos like me after a banging 7 gram rocks in hotel with models, on a bender to the O-zone man. But just like me in 2023, Yas will be irrelevant in a week. I reiterated to Kcos that dying is for fools brother. I said you gotta have one speed man and that speed is GO. People often ask me how did I get AIDS? Is that really even a question? Just look at my lifestyle man. I have a different constitution, a different heart, I got tiger blood. I can’t die. Sam Laporta played last week like he had the Tiger Blood too. Or that he did 6 lines and went out in a helmet and pads man. Fucking Psycho! Period. The End. He we out in Detroit and said ‘’Can’t is the cancer of happen’’ The Nike slogan doesn’t say ‘’Just Try It Man’’….it says ‘’Just Do It’’…..like a 5th of Vodka and a 8ball of nose candy man. I’m mean what’s not love. The run I was on made Sinatra look like a droppy eyed armless child. Oops that quote aged poorly, No Palestine. Also Yas has a real playoff chance now. Fuck! Congrats my Muslim brother. Two and a half men in your ass next week please!!

Sean vs Humza

(by Magic Johnson)

It’s unreal how many people thought I was gay back in the day. I could have any woman I ever wanted, and I even ended up marrying one of them, but for some reason the LA Hooker 4 was my specialty. Yup, I know what you’re thinking. ‘’Why would a champ named Magic even go down that road. I didn’t think I would get AIDS you jive turkey!! It wasn’t supposed to work that way. But we learned a lot back then and finally my teammates would give me high fives again. AIDS is no laughing matter. After I got diagnosed we quickly found a cure! An endless, unrelenting, supply of endless money seemed to do the trick and hold AIDS at bay. Golden State! Rhomandre and Dallas defense ain’t so golden though! Humza might be legit worried his season could be over next week. There was a lot of debate around all of his first round draft picks this year, but there’s one thing we can agree on: wearing a condom is no fun. Showtime! Congrats to Sean, I kneel with you my brother!!!

Ahsan vs Parth

(by Eazy-E)

Cruisin' down the street in my Trey McBride

Dude got two moms, wedding full of brides

Jockin' them. freaks, clockin' the dough

I got AIDS back then in 1994

Went to the park to get the scoop

Jalen Hurts apologists out there cold-shootin' some hoops

A car pulls up, who can it be?

A fresh El Deebo rollin', he be killin peeps

He rolls down his window and he started to say

"It's about to be Playoff Ahsan’s last day’’

Eliminated!

Suck it Ahsan!!!

Alex vs Naz

(by Freddie Mercury)

Hi from beyond the grave. I’m actually gay with AIDS. As it should be! My real name is Farrokh Bulsara, but that was waaayyy too brown to sell any records. So we just went with the whitest name we could think of Fred. Hehe. Naz wins, but he’s still the Queen of last place! Chubba, he will rock you!! He dropped 22 last week! Alex wants somebody to love, but no bicycle for you bro. Fat Bottom Girls, I don’t like those. No way!! Gross!!! Congrats Naz!

Rimmel vs Ali

(by Arthur Ashe)

Damn. I can’t even do this one. It’s fucking Arthur Ashe. Dude broke so many racial divides and was a testament to us all on how to live out the real. But he did end up dying I guess of AIDS. Fuck. Life is unfair. Mixon and Pittman lead Rimmel to a huge win. Can’t end this shit on Arthur fucking Ashe can I?? Nah we need one more game to lighten the mood. But in the meantime, while out of character, a huge shoutout to Ali for matching to a fellowship program! We all proud of you dawg!!!

Colt vs Chris

(by Chris aka LilGayBoi)

Toodles guys!! I got totally cornhole fisted by Colt and I wasn’t even mad about it. Any time big boy! Gayyyyyy! Tyreek Hill single handedly getting Colt to the playoffs. A bunch of big boi playoff implications matchups this week. Welp, it’s time to go convert more of these Abilene farmers to the wining team! ‘’Just try it once’’ - my line to get it done!! ‘’I’ll OT that PP’’ haha I got a gang of them. Just glad fucking Chris is eliminated. Congrats Colt! It’s your time champ. Break a leg!! T—Law!!!

STANDINGS UPDATE:

Let’s start at the bottom: A huge win by Parth last week to even him up with Ahsan, gain the tiebreaker, and possibly avoid the last place game against myself. In addition, Alex, Ahsan, and Parth are also fighting to not get relegated. Alex has the current edge, but that can change after this week and only 1 of them will avoid relegation. On the flip side, Humza, Rimmel, and Ali are battling not only for a playoff spot, but to also join Kyriacos in being promoted to the Champions division.

It's absolutely nuts that with 1 week before playoffs begin, we have only 1 division winner and playoff spot locked in. There are still 6 other teams at 8-5 and 7-6 fighting for those last 5 playoff spots. 1 of them will leave this week very unpleased.

Generally speaking, when looking at all the possibilities with winning the division, getting the bye, and making the playoffs, there were way too many scenarios for me to draw out here. So, for Sean, Colten, Yaseer, Rimmel, Ali, and Humza, instead I’ll just say, take care of business and you’ll be in the playoffs. Lose and you’re at risk of missing the playoffs. The biggest person in jeopardy though is Yaseer without a doubt. With a loss, he is guaranteed to be eliminated because of H-2-H tiebreakers with Ali and Humza (if they were to lose as well). Even with a win this week, there is still a possibility of his elimination based on other results and tiebreakers, but he could also win the division, which is absolutely crazy to think about. Multiple results will determine the difference between missing the playoffs and winning the division and getting a bye week. That being said, let’s just let it playout and see what happens…