2023 Week 4 LoL FFL Post:

Nazim Parupia
Oct 5, 2023
5 min read

BROUGHT TO YOU BY KYRIACOS

Well hello guys! It’s me Taylor Swift, and I know I have been EVERYWHERE lately. But now I’m totally excited to also take over Fantasy Football Leagues as well! Gosh, it’s been so fun to learn all about this football game recently. I mean all these large sweaty men wrapping their arms around each other in their own various expressions of love, has been so encouraging to me and my fans. Speaking of large lovable sweaty men, I have heard that you all have one of my SUPER FANS in this league? Christopher, I really appreciate all of your support and just know that me and my #SwiftieArmy fully accept your lifestyle choices. Your truth is our truth girl! No ‘’Bad Blood’’ here! You just keep being your openly-gay self, and who even cares what slanderous blowjob allegations come your way! I know you normally have super duper in depth analysis of your matchups, so I will try my very best to summarize last weeks games for my new friends :)

Kcos vs Parth

Goodness, in this first game, all I can say is just WOW! It went from a ‘’Cruel Summer’’ of injuries for Parth to now he’s wishing he could simply ‘’Shake It Off’’ with all of this losing. Hehe. Your league commissioner, Nazim, told me you’re like the opposite of me Parth. See I’ve like been a Chiefs fan for YEARS and it sounds like you’re a Broncos fan?!?! Like why? What’s your address? 123 Loserville, USA? Hehe. I knew trash talk would be fun! But seriously, 59 points based on other scores here I’m looking at, seems really really bad. Who even is Deebo? That’s a silly name. He should be called Teebo, because he sucks. Hehe. There’s another one. I’m sorry. I am a sweet down to earth girl. It’s just too easy to tease you Parth. Especially when you lose by 70 points. What is it with Broncos fans and 70 point spreads? Hehe. Kcos moves to 3-1 and Parth might retire in Loserville.

Nazim vs Rimmel

Speaking of losing, I bet Nazim wishes he could go ‘’Back to December’’ before he like traded away ALL of his draft picks. Hehe. ‘’I Knew You Were Trouble’’ Nazim when your kicker was your 2nd highest scorer last week. I once dated John Mayer so I know a thing or two about BAD choices. But fortunately for me, I’m super thankful NFL athletes don’t cheat on their girlfriends like EVER! It’s so refreshing and Travis has been nothing like any of my 80+ exboyfriends. He’s so so sweet! Speaking of sweet, Rimmel seems like a sweet-guy name to me. I’m sure he can spoil a girl like me. I bet his family net worth is close to mine. Just sounds like a guy who knows how to skim some wire transfer fees to support his family! Hehe. Rimmel now Diggs his way to 2-2. :)

Alex vs Ali

Okay yikes guys! Another blowout here. Alex joined Parth in 50 point Loserville. Hehee. PAUSE HERE. I just need the world to know, there is 0.0% chance I would ever date a guy like Kirk Cousins. His mustache rides are not even close to what El Travi provides me. But I must carry on, ‘’Don’t Blame Me’’ Alex. It’s not my fault you started a 0.0 scoring Gay kicker. Hehe. Joe Burrow has been a complete ‘’Anti-Hero’’ this entire year. Just awful. Might need to introduce him to one of my celebrity friends to get his sWaG back. Hehe. I said swag and it felt so cool. I’m cool okay. It’s lit. I’m one of the cool kids even at 33. EVERYONE PLEASE LIKE ME. I NEED attention. Thank you! Congrats Ali for being undefeated. You have a ‘’Blank Space’’ in the loss column. Hehe.

Sean vs Humza

Ugh. Two brothers fighting is not okay. I tell Travis ALL THE TIME that it’s just a game and to always tell Jason that he loves him regardless of what happens with that silly ball on the field. But Humza not starting David Montgomery was SILLY!! Also I flew all the way to New York with Deadpool and Wolverine to watch Trav not play so well. This is the first game I’ve been to where he didn’t get one of those, what’s it’s called? Oh yeah, touchdown. One of those. I told him it’s okay I just yell and the ask what’s going on after each play. I do think there’s some ‘’Karma’’ here because I heard everyone made fun of Sean’s draft and praised Humza for his. And now like looking back, Sean is doing like way better. Which is sorta the definition of my #1 iTunes song ‘’Karma’’ please download now my brainwashed Swifties. Thank you. MORE MONEY PLEASE!!!! Love you, even though I would never actually meet any of you. Gross. Congrats Sean on this brotherly love win.

Yaseer vs Ahsan

I guess it was a blowout week. I’m getting better at blowing on some football things as well. If you know what I mean. Hehe. My fans are a little too young for sex jokes, so I’ll keep it PG. Sorry guys. I’m just a sweet innocent girl who goes through heartbreak and owns my own private island. I’m just like my fans. I’m just like you! Small town girl with real world problems. Like where to ask my driver to take me with all this free time I have. Like I said problems! Also ‘’I Can See You’’ George Kittle. I have the better tight end. 1.4 points and only 1 catch?!?! I can’t believe I almost reached back out to your Instagram message. Thankfully I responded to Trav. But Yaseer ‘’You Need To Calm Down’’ I keep seeing you in the top scorers conversation each week. It’s time to chill. Especially going against what I’m told is the best player in the league in Kcos. Daddy chill. Hehe.

Christopher (she/her) vs Colt

I want EVERYONE to know one thing. I DO NOT tolerate any form of hate speech. I have been an advocate for the LGBTUVWXYZ+ community for YEARS! I will not standby as my Rainbow Super Fan Christopher gets assaulted by you all in the chat for his many many errors last week. His little openly gay self is ALWAYS welcome to pay upwards of $7,000 to see me in perform in person whenever he wants. I will even take a selfie with you Christopher. We don’t even have to touch if that makes your kind uncomfortable. Speaking of not touching, Tee Higgins seems to always find a way not to touch down any of his footballs in the endzone. Might be time to give up on him Chris, like you did with double X chromosomes. Hehe. I did a clever science gay joke. Sorry, I am an ally. Hate will NOT be tolerated. I will send my #Swifites to CANCEL your ass if you don’t comply!!!! Colt didn’t even start a defense last week and still Brazilian wax’d Chris’ asshole. Okay that was the last one! Hehe. Congrats Colt! Chris continue to be your beautiful homosexual self! You are loved.

Xoxoxoxo

-Taylor