2023 Week 7 LoL FFL Post:

Nazim Parupia
Oct 27, 2023
6 min read

BROUGHT TO YOU BY KYRIACOS

The beginning of the post this week was copy+pasted directly from a letter Chris wrote to Carl Nassib back in 2021. I hope you enjoy.

‘’My tea's gone cold I'm wondering why I got outta bed at all. The morning rain clouds up my window and I can't see at all. And even if I could it'd all be gray, but your picture’s on my wall. It reminds me, that it's not so bad, it's not so bad.’’

Dear Carl,

I wrote you, but you still ain't calling. I left my cell, my pager, and my home phone at the bottom. I sent two letters back in autumn when you told the world you were gay, you must not've got 'em. There probably was a problem at the post office or something. Sometimes I scribble addresses too sloppy when I jot 'em. But anyways; fuck it, what's been up, man? Me? Right now, I’m actually at the doctor. I’m still trying to figure out how to get a guy pregnant, too, we both bout to be fathers. If I ever have a daughter, guess what I'mma call her? I'mma name her lil Carlie (just like you) I read about your parents disowning you, too, I'm sorry. I know you probably hear this every day, but I'm your biggest fan. I even got your pre-gay Tampa jersey, man. I got a room full of your posters and your pictures, dawg. I like that Instagram video you just posted too, that shit was phat. Anyways, I hope you get this, man, hit me back. Just to chat, or meet up after hours. Truly yours, leaving you with a big ole kiss.

By the way, this is Chris.

In the spirit of that beautiful letter, let’s jump into the games:

Kcos vs Naz

Oh boy, right here we got ourselves a good bit of drama. This outcome has Nazim running to his very sweet & kind momma. I beat him so bad that he now in sell-mode. The homie in meltdown status, looking at his roster ready to unload. Scrubs, scrubs, and scrubs, but wait he got an offer from someone? Only a DO would trade a 3rd for a washed-up aging bum. I’m sick man. He can’t really be feel-ing Adam Thielen right? Ali watchu doin? You know a white wide receiver my kryptonite! And he’s matched up against the Texans when we play? That can’t be fair? I’m bout to go full white and reach out the NRA! Jk.

But GGs Naz. The game was over from the jump. I dropped a 160 on this commish trade-bait chump! I’m out.

Humza vs Colt

Oh shit! Another fantasy week, another slaughter. Humza come on man, Colten’s weeks away from having his first daughter. Show some respect! You had Mahomes and Kelce going full George Floyd on his neck. Ahh damn way too soon. Humza, to beat a team like yours, shit this gonna be harder than Muhammad splitting the moon. But forreal, I need multiple injuries to come your way. A team this good is worse than Chris showing up to Carl’s house in lingerie. Colten, I’m sorry man. This was a wax job. Starting the Detroit Lions defense, as bad of a decision as going full punjab. Also Brock Purdy is in concussion protocol. After scoring only 83 points, you have every right to bawl and drink some alcohol. Haraam. I’m out.

Sean vs Ahsan

Bruh Ahsan, it’s time to admit, that Josh Jacobs ain’t it. Homie, he scored only 4 points? And week after week T-Law seems to always disappoint. Dawg, your team is in shambles. Time to put in a last-place bet on you? And I don’t even like to gamble. Speaking of that where was Jameson Williams? 1 suspension, 0 targets, 0 points, and them morons still paying him millions? But a huge congrats to Sean on his win. Fuck Chris, he’s a commie. I’m team West Berlin! I made fun of Josh Downs last couple weeks. But damn, now I’m looking dumber than the myths told by the ancient Greeks. Shiiiiizet. I’m out.

Alex vs Yas

Where do I even start here? I mean holy hell. This score got me stressing more than a Hamas sleeper cell. I mean 5 points from Ekeler and Alex still comes out on top? Yas gonna need overtime to fix this, like he a child at a Nike sweatshop. DK Metcalf was out a sore hip, missing his first NFL game. And Alex still put hella shame on Yaseer’s name. To be fair Yas had like 4 players out last week on byes. But that’s no excuse in my eyes. Gotta get better, not bitter. Alex, keep going third reich on their ass! No Hitler. I’m out.

Rimmel vs Parth

Here we go again. Lamar keeps putting Rimmel’s team on his back: MVP! Hopefully this doctor tells Chris no HIV! But forreal, if Parth just started Gus Edwards, he woulda had an easy victory. However, like Russell Wilson saying ‘’Let’s ride’’ - It’s all contradictory. Well I guess at least Russ found a way to win this year. Sorry Parth. Time to get your ass into gear. No Chris, not like that. What’s the matter with you? Parth might not win a game this year until inhabitants return to Timbuktu. Ancient civilization rhymes. Spitting this much fire should be a crime. I’m out.

Chris vs Ali

Dear Chris, I meant to write you sooner but I've just been busy. You said your boyfriend’s pregnant now, how far along is he? Look, I'm really flattered you would call your daughter that. And here's an autograph for you. I’m happy to also write it on your ass, no cap. I'm sorry I didn't see you at the game before I retired, I must've missed you. Don't think I did that shit intentionally just to diss you. But what's this shit you said about you like to get your ass fisted, too? I say that shit's just clowning, dawg C'mon! How fucked up is you? You got some issues, Chris, I think you need some counseling. To help your ass from bouncing off the walls when you calm down some. And what's this shit about us meant to be together? That type of shit'll make me not want us to meet each other. I really think you and your boyfriend need each other. Or maybe you just need to treat him better. I hope you get to read this letter, I just hope it reaches you in time. Now that you beat Ali, I think that you'll be doing just fine. If you relax a little, I'm glad I inspire you but, Chris…Why are you so mad? Try to understand, that I do want you as a fan. I just don't want you to do some crazy shit. I seen this one shit on the news a couple weeks ago that made me sick. Some dude with a gun was in a trench coat at the parking lot near the mall. He was exposing himself to everyone, yelling ‘’Fuck, let’s make commies of ‘em all’’…And he had his boyfriend locked in the car trunk too, and he was pregnant with his kid. And in the car the cops found a sextape, but they didn't say who it was to be sent to. Come to think about it, his name was...Oh shit, it was you.

Damn! You sick fuck! I’m out.