Week 5 LoL FFL Post:

BROUGHT TO YOU BY KYRIACOS

This is a response to Jonathan D. Gruden, former NFL Head Coach and founder of the FFCA (Fired Football Coaches Association). Nothing is more fitting today, than that last title. This letter is written for all gays (Chris), jews (also Chris), women (also Chris), African Americans (Humza sounds Egyptian or some shit), and commissioners (Nazim).

We stand in solidarity with you ALL during this difficult time. We would also like to thank the horny Dan Snyder, for bringing this to the light! Also, we had a fantastic finish to Week 5! Speaking of finished, I send a large FUCK YOU to Chris and both J. Grudens! Good day!

Week 5 as seen by all groups offended at Gruden’s email:

Ahsan vs LilGayBoi

OH.EM.GEE. U GUYZ!!! Queen Chris won again! I knew there was a fine ass diva in him, she just had to escape that closet and I’m so so glad she did! In this FABULOUS matchup, there were some highs and lows. Ahsan just needs a hold-me-until-the-pain-goes-away type of hug! And girl I got youuuu! I mean who would have thunkit that the Ravens big ole D would get you 0 effing points?? Am I right?? Like WOW. Chris gets bailed out by that Big Boyyy DK! What a studmuffin! If Ahsan doesn’t trade away Mark Andrews for a can wiggle worms he would have won! Which is just so hard to swallow hehe. Also, Jon, you just so mad because you couldn’t get your Spider2YBanana tugged on big boy! Ahsan will get his one day soon! Also, Chris missed out on Zach Ertz hahahahaha

Colten vs Parth

That honkey cracka ass Colt45s got straight hosed this week! I mean realtalk if it wasn’t for the homie MikeWill these fools woulda only scored 44 muthafuckin points. An oldschool hoodasswhoppin done occurred here!! James Robinson doing his best damn Jim Brown impersonation! And that no-grey-hair-having Tom Brady musta made a deal with the devil to be this good at 45 years old! Chris the same damn age lmfao! ‘’Game recognize game’’ - as the drug dealers and pimps on the block used to say. Snitches don’t get stitches when they exposin a racist ass coach, so whoeva sold out Gruden, shouts to you dawg! Parth and Colten both 2-3 now.

Sean vs Alex

Shalom to mother Israel. What a mitzvah it was to see Sean get another victory! Mazel Tov to Alex in his upcoming matchup against the chosen Messiah Kyriacos! The 2nd coming awaits us still. Im Yirtzeh HaShem (God willing) Sean will make the playoffs with this win streak he’s been on. Marquise was on fire! He was coming from the brimstone ashes and didn’t need to keep the Sabbath holy. He just took his mezuzah schmeckle and rubbed it all over Alex’s face. A big Refuah shlemah (get well soon) to Clyde Edwards-Helaire. I’ll definitely bring him some Matzo Ball soup. Also, a big lezayen (fuck) to you sir! Kol Tov (All the best) you racist fuck! Sean improves to 2-3 and Alex falls to 3-2 (will be 3-3 after Week 6)

Nazim vs Humza

The commissioner of the LoL League doesn’t condone the racist and sexist comments displayed by Jonathan David Gruden back in 2011. It is apparent that he still holds these truths to be self-evident, that all men are NOT created equal. The same could be said for fantasy teams! I mean Nazim’s team showed up and solidified a victory. I mean Mark Andrews alone scored 1/3 of Humza’s total points for the week. Even a player we constantly suspended for improper helmet selection, Antonio Brown, couldn’t have saved him. In the end there was too much talent to deal with and Naz has started his illustrious winning streak. Let’s hope it continues against, as Gruden put it, the ultimate *fa*got* in Chris!!

Antonio Brown watching the downfall of the Steelers and Jon Gruden

Rimmel vs Ali

This is Cindy Gruden, Jon’s now ex-wife. I have left the douchebag Jon for a REAL winner in Rimmel. I couldn’t stand being with a loser. So glad that Rimmel knows how to run a team. A true man. He makes investments in the future but would never trade Khalil Mack for Josh Jacobs and Damon Arnette. What a freaking joke. I hate you Jon and I always will! Rimmel is also 3-2 but he still has a f***ing job!!! Justin Herbert is way better than Derek Carr! Apologies to Ali as Rimmel has 4 top picks next year and a 33% to make the playoffs this year. Just insane! #RimmelAndCindy

Yas vs Kcos

Like Dan Snyder’s email account, there’s nothing to see here…. Just the best Football Team in the league lol

NAZIM RECAP FROM THE PREVIOUS WEEK

· Predicted the top scorer for the week correctly in Kyriacos

· No one left with an undefeated record

· Ahsan remains the only winless team… I’m sorry about that

· Ahsan now has the lowest chance to make the playoffs, per ESPN, at 1%, while

Kyriacos sits on top at 99%

· I made great strides going from 3% last week to now 47% this week

· 2-3 is currently 1 game out of a playoff spot, which means 10/12 teams in the league

are in a playoff spot right now or real close behind

· Non-divisional play begins this week

· Per BR, least points had to eat a whole banana peel raw… that’s on you Colten

· Lots of points scored in week 5 – average score per team was 119.5. For perspective,

only 2 teams per year average 119.5 points/week on the season

AUCTION REPORT

- Kcos got Devontae Booker for $32 over Ali ($28), Naz ($23), Ahsan ($20)

- I got Zach Ertz for $7 over Chris ($5) – really screwed him over not having Goedert to play, instead Njoku will be starting – we’ll see if the move pays off or makes a difference next week. Either way these messages made it well worth it…

When I won the auction:

When I dropped him to get Alex Collins on Thursday before the game:

When Ertz scored a TD in the 1st quarter:

- Yas for some reason claimed Darrel Williams before CEH got hurt for $2 back on Sep. 29th, so he was not on the waivers this week – insane or genius? No one knows anymore

WEEKLY PAYOUTS

Week 5 Most Points: Kyriacos

- Humza: $10

- Yaseer: $10

- Kyriacos: $20

- Sean: $10

Week 5 Least Points: Colten

- Kyriacos: 1

- Sean: 2

- Parth: 1

- Colten: 1

Kicker Impact in Week 5: None

YTD: 2x

Ali now has 2 wins because we have a kicker spot

WEEK 5 POWER RANKINGS

WEEK 6 PREDICTIONS

Chris v Naz: 103-122

Colten v Rimmel: 88-82

Ahsan v Humza: 77-91

Yaseer v Sean: 123-97

Kcos v Alex: 127-84

Parth v Ali: 121-132

Top Scorer: Ali

Let the mixing of divisions begin!

Week 5 Predictions: 3-3

YTD: 11-13

At least we’re consistent at 3-3 every week…

WEEK 5 BETS REVIEW

BIG WEEK!

Naz’s Pick-6 (Game Lines for Bets):

1. [W] San Francisco 49ers @ Arizona Cardinals (-5)

2. [W] New England Patriots @ Houston Texans (+8)

3. [W] Tennessee Titans (-4.5) @ Jacksonville Jaguars

4. [W] Miami Dolphins @ Tampa Bay Buccaneers (-10)

5. [-] Green Bay Packers (-3) @ Cincinnati Bengals

6. [W] New York Giants @ Dallas Cowboys (-7)

Week 5: 5-0-1 | +500

YTD: 17-10-3 | +440

Should’ve rolled a parlay on this week huh? Would’ve netted roughly +3200 instead of +500, but oh well… I’ll take it!

Naz’s Daily Dump (FanDuel Daily for Bets - $60,000: 50/50 League):

[WINNER] 27/100

QB: Kyler Murray - $8,500

RB: Damien Williams - $5,800

RB: Chubba Hubbard - $6,700

WR: Devonte Adams - $8,200

WR: DeAndre Hopkins - $7,500

WR: CeeDee Lamb - $6,900

TE: Dalton Shultz - $6,200

FLEX: Samaje Perine - $5,600

DEF: New Orleans Saints - $4,600

YTD: 2-2 | -110

WEEK 6 BETS

Naz’s Pick-6 (Game Lines for Bets):

1. Dallas Cowboys (-3.5) @ New England Patriots

2. Miami Dolphins @ Jacksonville Jaguars (+3.5)

3. Los Angeles Rams (-8.5) @ New York Giants

4. Arizona Cardinals (+3.5) @ Cleveland Browns

5. Seattle Seahawks @ Pittsburgh Steelers (-5)

6. Las Vegas Raiders @ Denver Broncos (-4)

Naz’s Daily Dump (FanDuel Daily for Bets - $60,000: 50/50 League):

QB: Matthew Stafford - $7,900

RB: Darrel Henderson Jr. - $7,300

RB: Chubba Hubbard - $6,900

WR: AJ Green - $5,400

WR: Terry McLaurin - $7,400

WR: Hunter Renfrow - $5,700

TE: Travis Kelce - $8,500

FLEX: Devontae Booker - $5,900

DEF: Indianapolis Colts - $4,700