2022 Week 3 LoL FFL Post:

Nazim Parupia
Sep 29, 2022
5 min read

BROUGHT TO YOU BY KYRIACOS

Well boys, Winter is Coming! For some of us, like myself, it’s already come. But seriously my team is frozen solid. Like a true White Walker, I’m super white and super zombie dead, but atleast I won’t burn alive. You can call me the Night K-Cos because it lights out for all you ‘’Build The Snow Wall’’ racists like Chris. Trying to keep my white walking people out but I’m here to try and raise myself from the dead. All these fucking houses trying to take me down. But alas, just like the ending of this mess of a show, it won’t be easy! I have turned Ali Starkani’s eyes blue, and he’s now one of us!!! Hahahaha a true loser! Just like my iced out friend Matty Ice! Hell has frozen over and he got a victory! And didn’t fumble it away. And because I have this platform I can say fuck Ser Chrisras once more. Winter time bitches!

Ser Chrisras Tyrell vs Yastard Snow

Yastard Snow the bastard son of Lord Eddard committed a hate crime on our young dead very gay brethren Ser Chrisras Tyrell. Yastard was selected as Lord Commander yet again, as he pillaged Chrisras’ asshole a tad more than his usual comfort. The 5 finger special Ali. DJ MooreCock has let Chrisras down again. Like the Great Sept of Baelor, Chrisras was utterly destroyed. Our man, the Knight of the Flowers, is such a fitting description of what and who this LilGayBoi is. Pure and unapologetic gayness all wrapped into one man. Nothing will allow me to unsee Renly getting his chest shaved by the way. So much male dong in that show, that Chrisras can’t contain himself. The great Ice Wall that is Denver’s D allowed Yastard Snow move to 2-1 atop the North!

Nazneyrs Targaryen vs Seanert Baratheon

Nazneyrs gets his fathers revenge sending the drunken gluten Seanert to proverbial deathbed. It looked all lost and bleak for Nazneyrs but then she called up the Cowboy dragons of CeegonDee and Zekerion to eventually seal the victory for the House of Targaryen. Shockingly Justin Jefferson was drunker than the true Baratheon himself, coming in with only 2.9 points. Naznerys the Stormborn has new life, after the injury curse that took the Khal Drogo guy and her baby. Just like the hunting accident Seanert was gored by a boar. Like the Lannister family, Justin Fields seems to have been born out of incest, because his brain is deformed. Bust. Long live the cursed Naznerys!

Sean before Monday Night = NY Giants

Ali Starkani vs Humza Bolton

This was our Red Wedding. Ali Starkani was stabbed in the heart by Humza Bolton and Jeffery Wilson. So sad. Ali trusted it was going to be a celebration of jubilee when he dropped $37 on the fumbling RB. There is no greater heartbreak, than that scene. We were all in shock when the screen cut to credits and no music played. Just like no music is to be played for Ali, who with a pick in the first 5 rounds, sits with just a small violin playing as 3,500 soldier bodies are lying there on the floor, dead, covered in blood, as Humza finishes him off, whispering in his ear ‘’The Lannisters send their regards’’. And scene. But forreal thanks for being bad with me you Texas Child Prostate Checker you! Much love. PS, I almost went with the character Littlefinger, but that would have been too obvious.

Parthuron Greyjoy vs AhsanBalon Greyjoy

Parthuron is truly ‘’THE STORM!!’’ Parthuron captained the longship Silence and silenced all doubt in taking over the Salt Throne, after murdering his very own in AhsanBalon. ‘’No man gives me a crown. I pay the iron price. I will take my crown.’’ - AhsanBalon. Well the crown of Sir Patrick and Sir AARon was in the form a tiara. Because they played like bitches. Tough L for Ahsan who again had the foot soldiers on his bench that could have corrected this injustice.

Russ Cookin'

Maester Rimmel vs Alexiser Thorne

Maester Rimmel is a wise leader of Winterfell. He was educating the children and keeping watch over our younglings, when First Ranger Alexiser decided to lead a mutiny against him. Unacceptable. That’s my champion. That’s my dawg. Ali Starkani a close 2nd tho. David Montgomery gave 11x the effort for which I lost by last year. Scoring a record 1.1 points for our Maester. I’m troubled by the thrashing, in honor of Urban Meyer put on the Chargers. It’s unfortunate because Austin Ecklerous we held in check. Lord Waddlemeous continues to lead the way for our patron Saint Alexiser Thorne. It’s amazing the Dolphins are 3-0. One day I will be back on the top too. Tanking this year for Tua. ‘’Trust the process’’ Rimmel.

Coltarya Stark vs The Night K-Cos

Well shit. Coltarya, the Faceless Man, fucking killed me in the Battle of Winterfell. I was slain and the world saved. Is it really over tho? I think not. As long my eyes glow light gayboi blue I will fight to rise again. I made many errors in judgement. I tried to pull a noon surprise attack but all my White Walker bench players out performed my starting line up. Also Mark Bran Andrews went full Yas Snow on my ass and is the new chosen TE King. Full rape. Sadly Joffrey was harder to kill than The Night K-Cos. Good win Coltarya. Sail west you beautiful being l to where the maps of the known world end. Hopefully we meet again in future spin offs. Maybe a 90s comedy where all the houses like share an apartment or something. With a laugh track and it be super edgy. We already cast a gay lead in Ser Chrisras Tyrell. But he also super dead. Stay woke.

NAZ’S NOTES

- Alex sits alone at the top, 3-0, with an ESPN projected 87% chance to make the playoffs

- Ali and Kyriacos are now both 0-3 with a projected 7% and 6% chance to make the playoffs, respectively

- Everyone is net positive or negative correctly with their respective winning or losing records, except for myself and Ahsan: I am 2-1 despite more points being scored on me for the season and Ahsan is 1-2 despite outscoring his opponents for the season

- No name change this year for Ahsan and Parth… ☹

AUCTION REPORT

- Kyriacos picked up Craig Reynolds for $19

- Ahsan picked up David Njoku for $18 over Humza ($7), Ali ($5), and Kyriacos ($3)

- Yaseer picked up Richie James for $11 & Robert Woods for $6

- Ali picked up Zay Jones ($5) & Greg Dortch ($4)