2024 Week 1 LoL FFL Post:

Nazim Parupia
Sep 12, 2024
8 min read

Well, hello my fellow Americans, and the ones who appear to look more racially ambiguous, just like myself. I’ll call the rest of you, Palestinians. That seems fitting. No need to learn more about you than that. Just vote for me. Yes, It’s me, your half-black, half-Indian, half-badass-hoochie-mama, Democratic candidate for President, Kamala Harris. Hahahahaha deep cackle

I can’t believe they let me inside the White House or near your fantasy league Week 1 post—But they did.

As a little girl, I grew up during the racial division of the 1960s. So, I know a thing or two about institutional hatred, like I seem to see within this league. I also have heard that I am getting the vote of one member in here! That’s fantastic!

So, I would like to send a THANK YOU to Christopher! I hope you know that I see you! You ARE valued, you ARE special, and you ARE who I am fighting for. Your love WITH/FOR whomever you chooses is just fine by me Chris!!! Hahaha, am I right folks? I know I am. Oops, my campaign managers want me to be humbler. Sorry!!!

Raise your non-haram containing glasses— In a toast to The Gays, and their consistent Democratic votes! A lot of time has passed since we got gay marriage to be the law of the land. You must and need to understand that the significance of the passage of time, it is so significant, when you think about it, that there is great significance to the time of passing, in terms of what we need to do to. What we need to do is to create these jobs. And there is such great significance to the time of passage, like when we think about a day in the life of our children. You know? Haha? Do you all follow me? I am a wild woman, so it might be hard to follow this post below. So, bear with me guys. I am still learning. Hahahaha unbearable cackling

So, let’s look at the Week 1 performance. And remember no matter if you lost or you won, the truth is relative. You can make it whatever you want it to be. Truth can be sometimes you gotta just take what you want. Am I right Joe? You old, dumbass bitch. It’s my time to shine. Set your clock to Kamala time ‘’Brandon’’…. if your Alzheimer’s will even let you…. Because this the takeover, motherfucka!!!!…. Hahaha, okay where was I?

Oh yes, Week 1. Let’s get into it:

Rimmel vs Humza

So, based on these names, I can already tell that I’m going to use my Indian voice for this one, based on my audience. I do want you to know that my mother was named Shyamala! So, I know a thing or two about eating spicy foods too! Hahaha. And Saquon Barkley had a very ada, rosun and jeera type week to open up the season!! 32 points from a ‘’So-Called-Bust’’ as Nazim referred to him, is ‘’Oh so spicy!’’…. Humza…I see that Ja’Marr Chase continues to let you down, just like I did for the black people of San Francisco! Haha…. Oh, those criminals. Glad I got them ‘’rehomed’’…. You wanna smoke weed, welcome to jail bitch! Wait, does that fit on a bumper sticker? Might be too long. Well shoot, I would go with ‘’Shrooms Found Me God’’ but Christopher already has it patented. It’s hard to win Humza when your kicker outscores your QB and Top-WR combined. Sucks to suck. If I was to call you on the phone and your name was Joe, I would likely tell you ‘’We DIDN’T Do It Joe’’…. because you lost bad. Haha. I guess be better or know someone to climb to the top with. Like the best of us. Or do like I did and find the one to just climb on top of, if you know what I mean. Haha…I just crack myself up. Good win, Rimmel. I hope I have ‘’earned’’ your vote come November!

Sean vs Ali

Wow, Sean came out of nowhere. Like me in this 2024 election. Sometimes you gotta shed the dead-weight to get that prize or trophy. Sorry Joe, I know you’re not dead yet, but you might as well be. Haha. Old Yeller is a movie about an elder dog, who develops rabies, so a young boy gets a rifle, and shoots the dog in the face. Hahaha. Let’s just say right before the DNC, we did a similar reenactment. And it appears Ali experienced a similar fate this week. I mean my goodness. This was a murder. Trusting Kirk Cousins at QB1, is like trusting Hunter Biden to pass a drug test, while NOT getting anyone pregnant, in a brothel filled with hookers and cocaine. It’s just NOT gonna happen. Haha. And Kirk believes in God. What an idiot. Definitely a Trumper. Lock him up! Lock him up! —-Please actually lock him up—-For the Falcon fan in the league. Horrible. Haha. Okay back to it. I just want you all to know in regard to the Falcons: We will work together, and continue to work together, to address these issues…and to work together as we continue to work, operating from the new norms, rules, and agreements, that we will convene to work together...we will work on this together. Congrats to Sean!! I hope I have ‘’earned’’ your vote come November!

Nazim vs Alex

A friendly rivalry here. Just like me and Nancy Pelosi. Nancy is my best friend! I do what she wants, and she takes care of me. That is what a good friendship looks like. Oh, my goodness, I’m saying too much, aren’t I?!? Nancy, I love you girlie. Don’t you worry, one bit!!! I won’t fuck this up!!! Well not too bad, anyways. Just Keep me away from speaking!!! Please. Haha. I crack myself up. Speaking of cracking, it looks like Nazim’s team cracked a bit here. Alex said ‘’Go for The Head!’’…. but this Thanos just wouldn’t die. And the dreaded kicker position did Alex in! What a nightmare. If only, we could call a chamber meeting and get the non-Kicker Bill through congress! I promise to my voters, both gay (Chris) and straight, that on Day 1…. you have my word; I will sign into a law that ALL Kickers will be sent to Gaza. Then we can finally initiate the planned Samson Option—-So we can end this kicker problem once and for all! Don’t worry Alex, I will fix it soon. I hope this will earn your vote. And yes, you can have my number! :) I hope I have ‘’earned’’ your vote come November!

Ahsan vs Colten

Well, well, Colten’s team underperformed, like an 81-year-old grandpa president, without a teleprompter, in a debate. Haha. Complete disaster! 6 of his 9 players scored under 5 points. You just can’t win that way! Might be time to take your team over to your local Harris-Campaign-Sponsored Planned Parenthood and ‘’trim out the unwanted’’…if you know what I mean!?!? Haha. Before this ‘’problem’’ develops past the Zygote phase. I mean Colten, I’ve said it for years ‘’If you eat pork and are bad at fantasy sports, it might be time to abort’’ —-Do the right thing. Think about YOUR rights! Don’t be a monster, and just kill your kids! —On your roster I mean. They aren’t doing you any good! Be free of them! Get your life back! Your roster, your choice! Your roster, your choice! But a very nice start from Ahsan. Looks like another voter of mine was able to help, and a great guy at that: Deshaun Watson. Just like me, a lot of ‘’guarantees’’ in that contract. Haha. And he also has a bit of a mess to clean up. So, so messy. Haha. Congrats Ahsan! I hope I have ‘’earned’’ your vote come November!

Yaseer vs Parth

Okay, I have found my other Indian Queen! I see you Parth!….Namaste my N***a! Namaste! I’m sorry you didn’t have a better outcome though. I promise you; this Indian Non-Yas Queen will get us a victory this Fall! Don’t you worry!!! We got to take this stuff seriously, as seriously as you are, because you have been forced to have taken this seriously. Also, it has to be nice for Yaseer to prove your brother Nazim wrong when it comes to Aaron Jones. Even though my own sister is way hotter than me, she isn’t running for president. Our own Asian mother is shaming her for this from the grave. Some of you know what that is like. Haha. Oh, the Asian guilt. ‘’Yeah, but Kamala might be President’’…the ultimate Trump card. Oh gosh. Puke. I’m so sorry my liberal brothers in Schumer. That won’t happen again. It’s like Voldemort. I won’t use that name again. Dang, I never thought I would say: ‘’Baker Mayfield, Jerry Jeudy, and Brandin Cooks on your bench hurt you’’ Haha. Just a ridiculous statement all around. :) Congratulations Yas!! I hope I have ‘’earned’’ your vote come November!

Christopher vs Kyriacos

As Kyriacos always says ‘’When they go low, (on their knees), you go high (with your dick out) …. And Christopher, just as we did to Joe……Get absolutely fucked!!! I mean to draft a player 1st overall, and in Week 1, for that person to just not show up? On a Monday night? On the big stage? How does that even happen. Jill Biden would be outraged by the incompetence! Not even early-onset dementia, could get Christopher to forget this ass whopping. Especially after the amount of shit he talked to Kyriacos. It reminds me of another 6’4, loud mouthed, ginger asshole who won’t shut up. He also called a victory a bit too early! Well, the tables have turned—Bitch!! I don’t even want your loser vote anymore. Cast it for the Green Party you rainbow fuck! Keep that shitty commie vote to yourself you gay bastard. HOLD, The Plot twist, I act progressive, but I’m that same capitalist elite, you’ve spoken of for years…. And I want to keep the status quo, and you losing to Kyriacos in Week 1, is your new QUO! And speaking of quo…Mine is called quid pro quo. And it’s time to take a lesson from me Christopher. In the sticky, hot summer of 1994—I met a lovely man with power named Willie Brown. And just like his first name, I found the source of his power. So, once I found his zipper, I sucked it right out of there. Your power, however, Christopher, seems to come from the drafting of a Homosexual Hero RB every year…. And now that has failed you yet again!!!! Haha. The irony is too funny. So, I have prepared a special meal for you, this morning, as I sat on my golden toilet. Made with extra turmeric and Jamaican spices from last night. I hope you take a BIG-spoonful for a BIG-GayBoi like yourself!! Eat my shit, Chris!!!! And one last thing, I hope I have ‘’completely lost’’ your vote come November!

I will close with this summary statement. And yes, I did actually say these beautiful words, in real life, in-full:

‘’So, Ukraine is a country in Europe. It exists next to another country called Russia. Russia is a bigger country. Russia is a powerful country. Russia decided to invade a smaller country called Ukraine. So, basically, that’s wrong.’’

Good luck with this football ‘’fantasy thing’’ you all seem to be enjoying so much!!!! I got more of a mess to make in reality. Tootles! #WeAreNotGoingBack #1985 #FluxCapacitor

Auction Report ($5+):

· Chris = Isaiah Likely ($75) over Alex ($29), Naz ($27), Ahsan ($25), Kcos ($19), Ali ($13), Yas ($11), Humza ($10), and Colten ($2) – I guess Rimmel, Sean, and Parth didn’t care…

· Kcos = Allen Lazard ($7)

· Naz = Chargers D/ST ($7) over Yas ($3)