2024 Week 3 LoL FFL Post:

Nazim Parupia
Sep 25, 2024
8 min read

Shalom and L'Chaim my brothers and sisters (Chris),

It’s your favorite Prime Minister of Sinister! The Prince of Destruction, Mr. Bad Shepard Himself, The Lamb of Shaytan, BennyJinnyJinnJinn :)

Yours truly, Ben-HymenBroken Netanyahu. No, I’m kidding, my name is Benjamin! C’mon guys! But you can call me ‘’Bibi’’ for short. It’s like Deebo, but less cool. So, the haters can STOP with all of this broken hymen stuff! I can take a joke, but it’s not really that funny! Haha. But actually, my full name is pronounced with an ‘’H’’ where the ‘’J’’ is…. Like the ‘Latinos’ do it!

I’m SORRY, future President Kamala, I still need to get used to saying ‘LatinX’ instead of ‘’Latino Darkies’’. I’ll fix that quickly! Especially with you assuming office in January! Don’t stop the steal!!! Just make sure to keep sending the weapons and money my way in 2025! Israel —To Infinity & Beyond, Madam President!!!

We Israelis are, unequivocally, without-a-doubt America’s BEST ally in the Middle East!!! And with us finger-locked hand-in-hand, we WILL BOTH usher our way into WWIII, TOGETHER! Always & Forever <3

Oh, what a glorious day it will be! Thank you for your commitment to Israel!! EVEN above your own interests, or when it’s harmful to your own interests. Like an abused girlfriend returning for another go with her abuser, ME…. You just KEEP coming back. And IF you EVER forget who is actually running things, I will not hesitate to remind you!! I will bitch (Chris)-slap you until you come to your senses again. Because a STRONG Israel, is a WELL-FUNDED Israel. Am I right!?! Mwhahahahahahaha. Yes, I might be insane, but I’M the one pulling the puppet strings, NOT YOU! So, you BEST fall in fucking line and STFU!

WOAH, I see you all seem to have A LOT of physicians in the league! Hopefully, you guys still use pagers within that profession, because BOY OH BOY do I have some EXPLOSIVE Week 3 Fantasy Football recaps to share with you! You see what I did there? Too soon?! Sorry, yeah that might have been too soon. But FUCK IT! Only the WEAK admit faults or ever degrade themselves to apologize. Sorry, NOT sorry! My very Jewish Safta (grandmother) always used to say ‘’Benny boy, this world is a VERY, VERY dark place, and sometimes you have to kill other people, just to keep yourself from crying! So, show some Chutzpah Benny!’’

Well, just like Hitler, himself, I took her lovely words to heart, and I have tried to do my part! One civilian baby (I meant to say TERRORIST here) at a time, that’s my Chutzpah! As Prime Sinister, I really try hard to keep the conflict narrative CLEAN and EASY for the American media to digest. Genocide can be very unpalatable for some. This truly is a Snowflake generation. Can’t even tolerate a bit of Genocide with their morning coffee. Pussy Schmucks!! Oy vey!

And if there are ANY of who you are on the fence about this issue!?! Just know this, ‘’brown skin’’ = ‘’bad person’’, which = ‘’terrorist’’. I had my propagandist political aides make an internal IDF training chart the simplifies this concept for our rookie IDF trainees. Happy to share it with the U.S. Congress, next time I’m invited back to address MY constituents. (Oops, I meant to say ‘’your’’ constituents there) Those are your representative politicians, NOT mine. Wink wink

Okay, before I lose any more of the support in here (that I never had), let’s go ahead and jump into the games from Week 3.

Rimmel vs Alex

Saquon Barkley dropped the ‘’Samson Option’’ directly on top of Alex’s beautifully drunken-white-man’s dome! By the way, I have heard Alex has gotten extremely swole since last year. Fantastic! Well, his fantasy prowess is looking as emaciated, as a Palestinian kid in a refugee camp. Too soon again? I think NOT! They attacked us first on October 7th and killed over 695 Israeli civilians! Well…I guess, it was exactly 695, not over. But just like a toddler, in a fit of rage for getting his shiny toy truck stolen in a sandbox, I retaliated!!! And I single handedly, with my bear hands, killed over 40,000 civilians. Wilt Chamberlain numbers!! (Kyriacos breaking character for a minute here to puke, and to cry, and to pray)

And in Week 3 Rimmel has entered his own RetaliationSZN for his 1.8-point loss to Sean last week; Rimmel went full Gaza-MODE on Alex’s Tuchass!!! Nice. And Zack Moss and the Buffalo Bills defense secure him an extra $10!! Congrats Rimmel!!! Vote for whoever you want, because I’m still running this BITCH! - YaBoiBibi :)

Colten vs Kyriacos

This was more loop sided than the IDF vs a Palestinian father, protecting his family while trying to prevent his childhood home from becoming a settlement! Haha. Impossible!! And it was impossible for Colten to score any points in Week 3. Anthony Richardson = a Hamas sympathizer, and that’s why he sucks. Javonte Williams = a Hamas sympathizer, and that’s why he sucks. Samaje Perine = a Hamas sympathizer, and that’s why he sucks. And finally, the ENTIRE Raiders defense = a bunch of Hamas sympathizers, and that’s why THEY suck!!!! Tough day Colten, even your OWN fandom, your real-life team, the Raiders got embarrassed last week…. Sad. But 0-3 is NOT too bad…. Just look to The Oslo Accords, The Camp David Accords, and The United Nations Accords—All did absolutely nothing. Haha. We Israelis love going OH-and-3 on any Peace Deal! Haha. Congrats Kyriacos!!! Vote for whoever you want, because I’m still running this BITCH! - YaBoiBibi :)

Nazim vs Sean

Damn. This was the biggest let down for brown men, since the 1967 Security Council Resolution 242. We were ALL were wanting Nazim to lose this one!!! But alas, his SUPER TEAM and his ‘’Fun FantasyLand Year’’ gets to continue. Like missile rockets being fired over-and-over again upon the Iron Dome, the Jacksonville Jaguars’ defense could do absolutely NOTHING to penetrate the Bills offense Monday night. This was so bad that SOMEHOW, if Sean had just simply left out any defense in his lineup—-He would’ve been better off. Wild. Haha. And even a combined 50 points from Hamas sympathizers, Zach Charbonnet and Kyren Williams…. Sean couldn’t get the job done. I have full trust that me and the IDF would’ve taken Nazim out in a ‘’covert-targeted operation’’. Yes it is likely, that operation, also would have taken the lives of everyone Naz loves or holds dear at the same time! But at least I would NOT have failed like Sean did!!! What a failure!! Oh well, I do think Nazim has Chinks in his armor now. Oops—-Another one of those offensive words that Kamala won’t like. I need her government money to continue to flow so, I will rephrase. I do think Nazim has a lot of Asian-Americans in his armor now!! He can be defeated, even with Nabers, Kupp, Daniels, and Taylor on his freaking bench. Just insane, but he didn’t get an extra $10 this week! So that’s a Dub in my Book of Torah!!! Haha. Congrats Nazim!!! Vote for whoever you want, because I’m still running this BITCH! - YaBoiBibi :)

Ali vs Humza

I did get some pre-post writing intel that Humza is my BIGGEST critic within the league. Even posting daily Reels to his Instagram, outing my atrocities into the public forum. But Humza, I don’t think you and I are that different, to be honest. I too enjoy an inspirational Silicon Valley TED talk, just like you do. And we as men, both enjoy a nice pair of Silicone Valley implants on a beautiful non-American woman, just like you. Oy, I would bet most of us men in here do. (Minus Chris) You see, we have more in common than we do different. Your ‘’death count responsibility’’ is 0 people (so far) and my number is really hard to calculate a total on, so let’s just go with 0, as well. I don’t like semantics. Don’t be an antisemitic prosemantic Humza. Don’t you do. See, we’re the same. I knew I was right. But, you know who wasn’t right? Ali-Wasn’t right in Week 3. Kirk Cousins over, your very own, Dak Prescott?? Who are you? One of your patients? A freaking child? If so, please confirm, so I can drop a bomb your way, and radicalize you, so that you can pick better options week-to-week. Haha. I try to keep my humor kid-friendly! Some call it A Raytheon-Comedy, it’s like my version of Rom-Com but one that’s safe and engaging for the entire family! We all know what Raytheon has been known for. That’s right Endless laughs. And I can’t wait to go viral with Raytheon and blow up BiG! Haha. Speaking of bombs. Joe Burrow to Ja’Marr Chase on Monday night went BOOM! Congrats Humza! Remember we aren’t THAT different, but vote for whoever you want, because I’m still running this BITCH! - YaBoiBibi :)

Parth vs Ahsan

Umm, GROSS! I read the post from last week, the one Kamala contributed on, and well, I guess I was the only one. Because Ahsan definitely did NOT. Ahsan’s Fantasy Defense this year has been like the West Bank’s water-supply-access for Palestinians!! NONEXISTENT…..Because the Dallas Defense does it AGAIN!!!! This time he was honored with a -5-point performance. Haha. How does it even get any worse than that?!! Oh yes, I can only think of ONE thing that’s worse than that—-And that working for the World Central Kitchen on April Fools’ Day of this year, with my finger on the drone’s trigger. Haha. Oopsies! But, in the prophetic words of the American rapper……Shaggy……

‘’It Wasn’t Me’’…..Haha. But forrealz—-How does Ahsan let it happen to him TWICE—-2 weeks in-a-row???? Also, the infamous Josh Jacobs———Freaking sucks this year. But you know who doesn’t suck? PARTH! I was informed he said after your August fantasy draft, ‘’My team is worse than an Israeli-Palestinian interracial marriage’’ while drafting his team from a literal wedding venue. Well, fortunately for Parth…. He was Palestinian-Dead-WRONG about his team! He moves to 2-1! Congrats Parth!!! Vote for whoever you want, because I’m still running this BITCH! - YaBoiBibi :)

Chris vs Yaseer

Well, I simply don’t know anything about this Chris guy. But based on his roster alone, I can ALREADY tell, we would NOT get along. First of all, his #1 overall pick Christian McCaffery, is actively receiving stem cell treatments in the Jew-hating, Nazi Germany? Likely at the same time as you are reading this very post! That’s NOT cool on ANY level. There is NOTHING that I hate more than ‘’deceased-baby-cells’’ being used for ANYTHING constructive or productive! We Israelis say ‘’From the river to the sea, only under the rubble, is how to end your Palestinian baby troubles!’’…. Speaking of trouble, Chris is DEEP in it. He’s 0-3…and seemingly extremely homosexual. And just like anyone trusting an American politician to EVER condemn ME, there’s NO hope in sight! Yasser however is now 3-0! And Justin Jefferson and Chris Olave look like a winning combo. Just like the winning war combo of me and Joe Biden, taking out every ‘’terrorist’’ in my own backyard, until I’m the only man standing! Congrats Yaseer!! And in my Yiddish native-tongue I say ‘’Fakakta you @Chris, you faggot’’

L'hitra'ot and Sholom everyone,

See you in the upcoming nuclear holocaust

The only holocaust I’m a fan of!

-BibiBennyBoi

aka BossManBenHaMin