2024 Week 4 LoL FFL Post:

Nazim Parupia
Oct 2, 2024
10 min read

Hi gentlemen & lady!

Yes, it is ME - Sean Combs, AKA P. Diddy, AKA Puffy, AKA Puff Daddy, AKA The Diddler, AKA Mr. Touch & Sniff, AKA The REAL Dr. Strange, AKA Professor FreakMeOff, AKA The BabyOil King, AKA The WhiteParty DO (Shoutout Ali), AKA Chris’ New Boo!

I wanted to start this whole thing off by saying, I am CUMPLETELY INNOCENT!!!! I most definitely did NOT do any of these awful horrible things that I’m being accused of!! (Allegedly) I don’t even own any white clothing, like maybe one shirt, and it’s stained! (So many stains)…I also don’t even have ANY male prostitutes’ phone numbers (I have them ALL)…..My team ONLY did the Tupac killing, Bigge was an accident! (A little friendly fire)…..Oh but Biggie wasn’t me!!!! I don’t know why these people are trying to frame my ass!?!? (I already framed sweet Usher’s ass on my wall and in the sheets and in the streets)…..I didn’t even buy those 1,000 bottles of baby oil or those 738 dildos!!! (My assistant did)…A man has HIS NEEDS!!! Don’t make me feel bad about it you bastards!!! I can’t just freak off all along by myself EVERY time!!(Like Chris does)

When it comes to my accusers, I think ‘’It’s All About The Benjamins’’ ($$$) You see for me, I have ‘’Been All Around The World’’ doing international trafficking overtime shifts! This ain’t No Mom and Pop operation homie, we GLOBAL! But as they say, when you rich it’s ‘’Mo Money, Mo Problems’’ (Rimmel knows)….For these last 4 months, I’ve truly tried to ‘’Shake Ma Tailfeather’’ away from these FBI agents. They been raiding my house and shit. UNACCEPTABLE!!!! Y’all best be putting those 738 dildos back where they belong…. (In every1 of Chris’ orifices ONE DAY)…

Listen, let me talk to THE sexy Christopher Brooks for a minute….I’m simply a ‘’Bad Boy 4 Life’’ working his hardest to ‘’Satisfy You’’ so just take this pill and ‘’Come To Me’’ and we can ‘’Bump, Bump, Bump’’ because it’s time to ‘’Diddy Rock’’….And I have to ask you, ‘’Do You Like It, Do You Want It’’ and if so, lemme give you the ‘’Peaches & Cream’’ my very manly ‘’Señorita’’ because you are currently ‘’Making It Hard’’ for me (Below the waist)

Yes, I do NOW see that some of my song titles, might‘ve been SLIGHTLY suggestive over the years! BUT I am NOT a monster!!!!Some of you just ‘’Gotta Move On’’ because ‘’I Don’t Want To Know’’ what else you might have on me! And yes, I did write a song called ‘’Angels With Dirty Faces’’ but I NEVER pissed or shit on them like R. Kelly did!! I just assaul….I mean ‘’assisted’’ those Angels! I am NOT The Devil!! Although, Shaytan does appear to be my ‘’Best Friend’’ these days! Get away from me Satan!!!

Speaking of best friends, you guys seem cool. I hope we can all hang out soon (In 50-70 years)….But enough about my well-oiled baby self, let’s talk about YOU! Oh shit, yes, you guys manage imaginary fantasy football teams with REAL NFL players on them!?!? Oh, I recognize some of the names on your teams. I think I know most of these NFL guys pretty well (Oops, I shouldn’t have said that)…Your honor, I would like to have that statement stripped from the record! Oh man ‘’stripped’’….Thats tough. I’m gonna really miss dat Orgy lifestyle. Oh well, ON top of the NEXT. Don’t worry Chris, I WON’T drop the SOAP!! (Or will I??)

Okay, onto the games! Let’s jump into it (Like I did to Bieber’s 15 year old bootyhole)

Sean vs Humza

First off, I love the name of ONE these cats (No pussy please)…But I do have to say, I never seen this level of brotherly rape, since back in ‘09 when the homie Meek Mill would cum to my crib! Haha. Humza this week took NonDiddySean AKA FakePuffy, out to the shed and gave him The P. Diddler sampler platter!!! GahhhhDamn!! FakePuffySean looking more DEAD than Kim Porter now…. (Btw, I did not kill that woman) (Okay maybe I did) (No, say you didn’t) (Yeah, you’re innocent) (Oh, good point) (Yeah, it wasn’t us) (That bitch deserved it tho)…It is with a very heavy heart that I must say: Thoughts and prayers for Kim’s family!!! SHIT, Tyreek Hill needs some prayers too! HAHA. Dude looked Hella pissed #NoRKelly that FakeSnoop is his QB now (We shoulda killed the RealSnoop too tho) (Stop, STFU) (Oh, you right, we innocent) (Okay, keep going)…Damn Kenneth Walker III done pulled up to that infamous red stoplight in LA and blahp, blahp, pow….He fired them shots at Najeevorious B.I.G Harris. Humza straight smoked dat fool, and FakeSeanCombs took dat heat, right into his chest. He feel down on one knee, and raised a single fist in the air, for all those victimized by police brutality. (Like myself) (Fuck the feds) (Yeah, fuck them dudes) (We innocent) (Exactly)…Thank you FakeSean for your support, but Joe Burrow and Ja’Marr Chase went balls out again. No one loves a Balls Out Party, as much as I do. NO ONE!!!!!Congrats Humza! I say we start an exclusive poppin ALL-BROWN Party when I get out of these frivolous court hearings!! I want to change my ways. Maybe we just hang out tho. Like no dildos, no orgys, no baby oil? Whatchu say? Oh and you for sure would be invited, since you would be bringing most of the BROWN! It’s a Winners circle jerk of Winners ONLY! (Puff STOP, it’s not that kind of party)

Diddy OUT! (of minors to abuse)

Yas vs Ahsan

MAN, this is like me back in 1999…I’m talking about that one night with J-Lo, well before my gun accidentally discharged, and shot that woman in the face…You see Yas was completely Undefeated before Week 4! But he took his 1st L of the season. It’s funny I never did any time for that attempted murder in ‘99. Why? Well because it’s just like that thing Cris Carter and Warren Sapp said at the 2015 NFL Rookie Symposium, ‘’You ALWAYS have to have a Fall Guy!!’’ Shoutout to Jamal “Shyne” Barrow!!! Thank you bro. It’s the same with Ahsan’s fall guy = The Shitty Josh Jacobs!! Even with his terrible performance, Ahsan avoided defeat. Send Josh directly to jail in Ahsan’s place (Like I did with my close friends)….But Jahmyr Gibbs was the opposite of a Fall Guy. He was more like Yours Truly! YAHBOI Puff, The HERO of the fuckin story! (That’s right, I said it) (We are heroes, NOT assaulters) (Yeah) (Heroes covered in Costco baby oil?)….(Don’t bring that shit up) (We bought it in bulk for the savings) (Yeah?) (Yeah STFU Sean, momma rolling over in her grave) (Boy she gonna beat our asses)….Welp, getting back to it, looks like Gibbs ball’d out, with his balls out, and gave Ahsan the much needed VICTORY! Congrats Ahsan! You are invited to the upcoming Brown party! We won’t be freaking this time! I’ma changed person now! But I’m still INNOCENT ON ALL CUNTS! Shit, I meant to say COUNTS!

Diddy OUT! (of minors to abuse)

Nazim vs Rimmel

I wanna make a $10 bet with Nazim that he won’t be the Top Scorer next week! (We would still be Top Scorer of All-Time if it wasn’t for those pesky Feds)….I think Derrick Henry is just like my Defense Lawyer, a FRAUD. I think Jayden Daniels is gonna be just like KU’s Jalon Daniels by year’s end. WASHED, like my On-Staff Hookers, when I hose them down after my Freak Offs! But I’m changed man, like my name Brian Robinson Jr. without a bullet in my ass and with a competent signal caller. I tried have my guys kill Brian Robinson Jr. the first time Naz drafted him, but looks like I’ll have to send reinforcements next time! I mean WTF, he’s the 11th best scoring RB in the league and he’s casually on Naz’s bench. Just like my celebrity blackmail list, this guy has EVERYBODY! I also sadly saw that Rimmel dropped Danny Dimes….It’s tragic because I thought Rimmel just picked him up. It’s all good Rimmel, who cares if you take an L, you still got your freedom (Unlike me soon) and you rich AF. Let these fools keep on hating! I’m sorry about Mike Evans too, I promise I didn’t DILDO HIM TO DEATH! Just like Netanyahu said last week, ‘’It wasn’t me!’’ Welp fuck, looks like Nazim will ultimately ‘’win the war’’…..but he doesn’t have an extra $10, which is kinda the war I’m waging each week against this Goon Squad you all let him create. But whatever Congrats Naz! You can come to my new reformed tamer Brown party. It’s basically a Hot Cheetos and Diet Dr. Pepper kind of party. Right up your alley! See you there! But please STOP trading with everyone! Unless you want to trade criminal records…..If so, I’m all ears :)

Diddy OUT! (of minors to abuse)

Alex vs Ali

But let’s transition this to the real Weekly $10 WINNER! The great White Swole Hope! The Bend Me Over Drunken Bender! The new Mr. Steal Yo Girl (Especially with me going away for a long long time)….The man, the myth, the legend! The Modern Day Alexander the Great! The Non-Greek Godling! Congrats my bruddah! We should kick it sometime. We could do all the stuff me and Bieber did! I could show you the world! Just tell these cops, I’m cool. We could call it like a Dry Run on us hanging out! (Ain’t nothing gonna be dry about this tho) Chris knows what I’m talking about. But BIG daddy Alex drops his balls out onto Ali’s sweet face. Wait, Ali you work with kids. You think we could set up conjugal visits after I get convicted? I don’t care about the age of the kid. (Again, I am INNOCENT of all charges) Send the kids my way! Also sad that James Cook is playing like a child again. I mean shit, Braelon Allen is PERFECT! He’s only 20 years old! Send him my way Ali!!!!!!!! Also DAMN, Alex team was like my dates after they drink my HAPPY JUICE! He went OFF LIKE A LIGHT on Ali’s ass. Reverse colonoscopy Ali! Alex you can cum to the Brown Party! You honorary Brown this week. Get your Costco Hot Cheetos ready! You got an extra $10 to contribute!!!

Diddy OUT! (of minors to abuse)

Kyriacos vs Parth

Wow, talk about lucky! Kyriacos you’re like that first young girl who drank my COCKtail but woke up before I could my pants unbuttoned! You narrowly escaped! You might be undefeated but you looking more FAKE than a pair of Kardashian titties! And Rashee Rice is out? Ohhh bitch, you best be scared now! I’m charging the elevators in my bath towel ready to choke your bitch ass!!!! Be very afraid. Oh shit, I’m innocent tho! I don’t hit bitches. I love the bitches. Speaking of bitches, Breece Hall kind played like a bitch, right Parth? Dude averaged 17.8 points up until you played Kyriacos…and then he scored 2.8????? Like me trying to explain pallets of sex toys in my house…..Make it make sense. IT JUST DON’T! And it’s really not fair. They out to get me! I didn’t piss on no bitches!!! I ain’t no criminal, I was just ‘’Fatih Nurullah’’ level horny!!! I’m sorry!!!!!!! Congrats Kyriacos, but Naz said you not invited to the Brown party! You have the lowest points scored against (304)…so you are a FRAUD Kyriacos! I’m cumming for that bootyhole when I get out! Be on the lookout! You’ll hear the baby oil drenched foot prints squeak-squeaking behind you!!!! I’m cummin K-cos!!

Diddy OUT! (of minors to abuse)

Chris vs Colten

I don’t know why, but I’m drawn to the Chris guy! He seems real chill. I’m sure he would be fun a hang for sure. Good at fantasy football? Not at all! But probably could squeeze my way into his ‘’schedule’’ when I get more free time. I hope he sucks as good as he sucks in here, because WHAT IN THE F is his team? Just a collection of mediocrity. I would bitch slap most of them until they call me daddy! (I’m innocent, you’re innocent Sean) (Calm down) (I got this)…Even with a fully injured QB opponent in the first quarter, in Anthony Richardson, this gay dude couldn’t pull out! I mean pull it out! Unbelievable, you gotta be Diddy levels of gay to be this putrid. (Wait that’s me) Colten got a HUGE late game 4th quarter push, from Jayden Reed. Directly up Chris’ poop chute! (I just need that same chance) (STOP Sean) (They are onto you) (No they aren’t, WE ARE innocent)….Even Chris’ #RB1 De’Von Achane is terrible (That’s NOT his number 1 RB) (Wait then who is it?) (We don’t really talk about it) (Too painful?) (Yup, he’s fully gaped) (Okay, I’ll be right there)…Time for the Brown Town Party 2.0….(Gross) But yes congrats Colten! That was super cool of you to beat Chris! He sucks so much dick, and I hear he knows it. Oh and Chris my number is 281-330-8004. Who? Who? I said WHO?!!! That’s right. Deep cuts, in your asshole! Colten you can come to the tame Brown Party. Just please bring the Asian bitches…. :)

Welp, my lawyer is already telling me that I said too much. See you all on October 3rd, 2094….Because ‘’Can’t Nobody Hold Me Down’’ Forever!!!!!!

Diddy really OUT! (of minors to abuse)