2024 Week 5 LoL FFL Post:

Nazim Parupia
Oct 10, 2024
10 min read

Good morning-wood, or midafternoon-wood or evening-wood to you all,

I know it’s been a very busy ‘’erection season’’ for everyone, butt unlike many of the political figures who have contributed to previous posts, I have elected NOT to take advantage of any of you!! Well, nevermind—Chris—I see you—And I am in need of a gluteus-maximus-analeous work out, BIG man. Oh and DEEP tissue please! The only whayyy!!

Yes, it is I, THE bootyhole massage queen himself, Derrick Deshaun Watson! Fuck, could you imagine, how creepy I would be if I went by first name Derrick. Fucking Derrick Watson. Haha. Sounds like a true pedo. Oh gosh. I never did anything wrong tho!!

Butt, I am back to help recap your week of games and just like Diddy in Week 4, I am ALSO completely innocent. A quick note for Puff, just settle your cases out-of-court bro and take the slap on the wrist. Shit, you might even make another $230 million, like I did!! Butt forreal Chris, you really gay tho?!?! Nah, but you really gay tho? All good, we gonna link up. I’ll get your number from Diddy, and we can set up a little baby oil massage appointment! Thank you to my gayboi fam in advance tho!

As many of you might know, I have more ‘’victims’’ (23) than games played with the Browns (17) and wins the last 3 years of football (9)…Like my past-forced-sexual-abuse, I have truly sucked (off), ever since getting ALL of that guaranteed money hit the bank account. But it’s a win-win, because I don’t give a fuck! It’s the Browns, I mean what did the fans expect. Me to save them? I only know how to save myself, from these endless number of charges, and please NO comments on this post. Because like I already said my IG, I’ll just ‘’disable comments’’ anyways. Positive vibes in the chat ONLY for this serial rapist! I can’t be around ALL that negativity energy!! People be so stuck in the past! Move on. I know I did, like nothing ever happened. Butt forreal, I like to look up, covered in massage oil, all relaxed, stomach jizz wiped up by my accuser, just ready to take on the day, with POSITIVITY!

Let a man live in PEACE! I’m actually secretly hoping to get cut this year, so me and that one Kraft Cheese guy, up in New England can team up next year. Together, we can take those Asian Massage Parlors by storm!! Robert we cummin, literally! ‘’Oh, u no speakah da engalish?’’ ‘’Dat’s fine, dis bootyhole speaka da Chinese chopstick girl! I want da numbah one, wit da flied lice on da side, and da fiiive finga buttspread special prrrease’’ Haha. Oh man, we gonna have some fun together Robert! I may even need to brush up on my Mandarin. It’s been since college that I didn’t have the girls cum to me. Butt, I guess I will have to actually try at football next year tho to keep the partnership going!? You get the me Non-English-speaking foreign Asian massage specialist connection and I’ll get you another Patriots SB ring connection Robert!!! :)

Butt, like my career, I’ma say fuck it and get into the matchups. Oh and Happy Belated Birthday Kcos, may your wife anally rape with you a strap-on until you provide for her in the form of $230 milli!!!! Yup, I’m still hella rich BITCH!!! (Rimmel knows these vibes) Haha. Good times. Special thank you to all of my victims, we had some great memories…Let’s reconnect one day! Chinese finger-trap style (your finger, my butthole) #Joy

Yas vs Kyriacos

So, in this matchup we had a bit of anal rape indeed. Yaseer, like me in the first 5 games, had a very poor showing. You gotta drop the towel Yas, and show it ALL! Also let Aaron Jones and Derek Carr know that I got non-certified ‘’healing therapist’’ heading their way now! Even if they aren’t fully better for next week; they damn sure will be relaxed! Josh Allen continues to just suck that dick this year! I can’t believe Kcos is so stupid to draft him in the mothaF’ing 3rd round!!!! What an idiot!!! Also his ‘’5-0 team’’ is so fucking FAKE! Bro, you have like a league low of 391 points against!!!! You get so damn lucky! And Kareem Hunt? For practically nothing? A bell-cow RB1…for peanuts? What is your name ThanosNazim? Get with the program Kcos, you are supposed to be horrible this year. The NFL script writers are keeping you afloat!!! Also you definitely should have drafted Ja’Marr Chase instead of CeeDee!!! But like me meeting a girl for the first time, you wanted to be immature and say ‘’CeeDeezNuts’’…..Grow the fuck up Kcos!!! You can’t keep writing these posts as sexual deviants!!! You have two kids and there’s active genocide and natural disasters happening everywhere! I thought you were a Christian? Act like it! You bitch! Oh, but good start to the year. 5-0 is decent, however you will lose here soon. Finger my butthole on your way out, please. Thx-DW4

Rimmel vs Ali

Wow, like me weaseling my way out of any legal repercussions, this was a VERY close call….it came down to another criminal in Alvin Kamara, although he did a more ‘’acceptable assault’’ I guess in the eyes of the law. Less ass rape, more ass beating! Haha. Speaking of ass beating, my sweet sweet Rimmel now falls to 2-3 on the season. Losing 2 straight. I had so much hope after Saquon’s massive beautiful thighs (I’m NOT gay, I just like butt stuff occasionally) carried him to 2-1 the first 3 weeks. Butt, now he has taken a fall. Time to get back on that massage table Rimmel!!! It’s not over until you cum to new conclusions!! And next week Saquon will be back off his waaaaaaayyy too early Bye Week to seek retribution! And you won’t have to pay him to do so, like I did to over 23 victims. #SoExpensive….Oh well, like me, you have the money, so it’s all buttjuice graaaaavyyyyy to us! ‘’Mash my potatoes with your knuckles girl’’…Man I am a freak huh? Oh well, the world will forgive me one day #Netanyahuuuuu Butt, congrats to the colonoscopy king himself Ali! You have been practicing well young grasshopper! Kids is where I likely started too! Well it was high school for me, so it doesn’t count! Butt, the Falcon Drake London took you to CumTown, population: US! All love, and I’m very excited for your win! Finger my butthole on your way out, please. Thx-DW4

Humza vs Nazim

Umm….we need to sound the alarms here……RAPE ALERT!!!! I said, R-A-P-E, find out what it means to me!!! It means A LOT to me! And Humza did a great job honoring my artform here! You are a certified rapist Humza! You made us all proud this week! Even with a BIG goose egg from the Ravens defense, you still dropped 151 points on ThanosNaz’s dome!!!! All hail, the new gape King! Humza Shazad….more like ShazRapeGod!!! Because Naz was fully raped. (How many times can rape go into one paragraph) (Answer: ALOT) #rapedgaped Nazim did however have the most bench points of ANY player this week; so that’s a Dub! Enjoy 3-2 ya bissshhhh!! Haha. How does it feel to ALWAYS have the most points scored against you every SINGLE year and EVERY single week? Like me with another ‘’Jane Doe’’ coming forward to say ‘’He touched me’’….It must be SO maddening! I mean how does a team like Kcos with NO running backs post draft go 5-0 with so few points against. Butt then; YOU with a super team of Monstar proportion go 3-2 with more potential or miss the playoffs? It’s absolutely crazy. Butt, Humza you are this week’s $10 winner and our favorite for doing what you needed to do. I am known for the same!! Congrats Humza on a 4 game win-streak! Fuck it, I’m going streaking to celebrate!!!!! Finger my butthole on your way out, please. Thx-DW4

Sean vs Alex

Another WOW here. Like fitting that 3rd digit or even the thumb up my poopchute, this was an extremely small margin! Just 0.7 points separating the two men. Chris likes it when men get close!! Haha. Am I right? It all came down to ButtKer and man did he drive it home for Sean. Towel on Aisle Sean, because, like me on the assaulting table, he needs a stomach clean up after that one!!!! I didn’t know how this one would end!! Butt, it ALL worked out. Butt, Sean, it DIDNT HAVE TO BE LIKE THIS!! You just needed to put your trust in Rhomandre again! And you woulda won BIG! Hopefully you learn that lesson. Oh, but who am I kidding, accountability is OVERrated!! No lessons to be had here. Alex atleast has a 5-0 favorite team in REAL life!!! That’s pretty dope! However, he falls to a measly 1-4 on the fantasy year. And Naz gave him a B+ draft grade back on September 7th’s post……Huge fail! But analhindsight is 20/20 for me!! So a HUGE analcongrats to Sean here! Finger my butthole on your way out, please. Thx-DW4

Colten vs Parth

Like me spread-eagle, face-up, de-robed, with a-massive-boner facing-the-heavens…..Oh goodness, this one is tough to look at!! Even with the shitty, underperforming Breece Hall, Parth still found a way!! I can’t believe they fired Saleh! He didn’t even assault anyone on the way out. Islam must be a religion of peace. Sucks they did my dawg like that!! And Colten, Tank Bigsby on your fucking bench?!?!?!?!? His name is fucking Tank Bigsby. That’s like a black superhero name! He even wears the same number as me!!! Unbelievable. Like me after hearing the word ‘’No’’…..So many mistakes were made!!!! Can’t believe it. Also NO ONE says ‘’No’’ to QB1!!! Ya dig?? (in my bootyhole)?? Haha. Tough day at the office for Colt-45….and two Zig-zags, baby, that’s all we need! We can go to the massage parlor, after dark, smoke dat tumble weed! As the terrible towel falls to the ground, we can take your turns, fingering me all Around! Stop to hit my glutes, like Richard Simmons, assault everyone up my poopchute!!! Classic song. Butt, very proud of you Parth! That’s how you fucking win. Now show my Browns how to do that same. Well, without getting brown all on our hands. Haha. Congratulations Parth! I am still better than Russ tho! Let’s ride! On this Deshaun dick! Haha. Too good. Oh, and finger my butthole on your way out, please. Thx-DW4

Ahsan vs Chris

This was almost a 50 point thrashing. Another nonconsensual rape session. This week seemed to have a lot of them. I shoulda been first Chris. You are no longer ripe for the raping. Now your flower is tainted like my taint. Deviled and devoured by Ahsan’s team’s phat sausage of pain! Butt honestly, Chris, you have taken the pounding of PoundTown so well this entire year!! It’s actually remarkable. You are the Gay Randy Marsh, screaming back at us, down on your knees, yelling ‘’I ain’t hear no fucking bell’’…How you are still alive after all you have endured this year is beyond me. Your tolerance capacity for anal mutilation needs to be studied for centuries to cum. You have single handedly proven, as a Gay David Blaine, the true limits of the human bodies threshold for pain! Because, my God, even I am disgusted by your depraviltiy and your level of self-deprecation this season. You masochist!!!! How are you still going!!! Why won’t you just die!!!! This is your karma for abandoning me in my time of need!!! I saw your tweet!! You dropped me, when I need you most. I was your favorite player, but I guess we both have changed so much. But we both seem to be experts and sucking dick, so atleast we have that in cummon!! We are really not that different. Oh wait, I actually won a game this year. So there’s that! But forreal let’s link up. We can do the Chinese finger trap trick I talked about earlier. It’s fun! Don’t be a prude, you pussy!!! Let it happen. Speaking of letting it happen, Ashan climbs to 3-2! Even while starting the Saints defense against the high powered KC Chiefs offense. The balls (that need fondling) on that man. It takes nuts to have that much guts! And Ahsan was rewarded BIG! Huge win my man! Butt, Chris let’s make it happen. I got the wine poured, the mood music on. All I’m missing is a set of strong, freckly, ginger-boy, soft hands to help me out! So point to the sky Chris, and get that index finger ready for an unspeakable journey through the depths of my soul!!!! Don’t worry, once I finish, I’ll do you next!!! That’s true friendship. Texans4ever! Down4BrownTown4ever! MeAndYou4ever! BooBoo4ever! Gay4eachother4life! Fantasyqueen4ever! MccafferydeathHeroRB4ever!

Welp, my Cleveland team provided physiotherapist just walked in. I bet she knows how to take care of my needs. Tootles!