2024 Week 8 LoL FFL Post:

Nazim Parupia
Oct 30, 2024
8 min read

First off,

My apologies for the lack of posting last week. I was extremely busy prepping to to the color commentary for the Bills vs Seahawks game. This avocado ice cream won’t fucking eat itself. Haha. Yes, I know I’m NO investment expert or marriage-advice giver….But I will still deflate your balls dry Chris! With my gay mouth! FUCK YOU! I’m the best fucking Quarterback to ever play!!! You remember those Texans playoffs games up in New England, Chris?

I bet you do? Yeah??? Fuck you again. I did hear you were gay as well…..And I want to be very clear I’m down with that. wink…I also heard you don’t even read these posts? How dare you? Maybe if you actually did read this you wouldn’t be a 1-7 BITCH. But sadly you are and will forever remain a failure.

I know. I know. So what, if I also failed in most of my endeavors after retirement. I don’t even have to announce many games anymore! Like me and Belichick trying to follow any rule, I beat the fucking system!!! I kinda own your Raiders, Colten! Eat shit. However, I guess as long as Mahomes has a pulse, we won’t be winning much in Las Vegas. So I guess I need to have him killed too. But it’s the same as my friend Donald J. Trump—Mahomes just won’t fucking die!!! Unbelievable.

But enough about me, and my disgusting beautiful face, and my white privileged life. (I’m sorry Sean) Oh, and I definitely ONLY, exclusively threw the ball to white teammates. Sue me. Like the Israeli government, the whites won it all!!! A LOT throughout history. But I am still down with The BROWN………..Antonio Brown that is. He’s also a crazy Trump supporter, like myself. But he did say that Caitlin Clark likely to ‘’keep it hairy’’ and now I can’t unsee that BUSH on her!!!!

Side note on ‘’keeping it hairy’’, The Bush family gave a shit ton of oil money to an Indonesian man named: Lolo Soetoro. He was the highest paid CIA operative in the early 1970s….Later in the summer of 1973 he met a nice white-woman named Stanley. No joke. Her first name was fucking Stanley. She did however go by the better name of Ann. She probably kept it hairy too. Like Caitlyn did. Haha. Thus, we will just call her ‘’Hairy Ann’’ for this here story.

So, this white-lady Ann Durham aka ‘’Hairy Ann’’ had just one kid before Lolo met her. That kid’s name was Barry. In 1972, Lolo married ‘’Hairy Ann’’ and Barry took on his last name. The last name of Soetoro. That’s right, young Barry Soetoro, was going to Indonesian primary school and getting raised up right. How cute….But was it?

While little-sweetheart Barry was in school, her husband, Lolo Soetoro was responsible for millions of Indonesian-MURDERS on behalf of a CIA-coup within the country, by direction of the Bush family. Basically Lolo said do it and people were killed. I want that level of power one day with the Raiders. Oh and Lolo was given billions of dollars in today’s money for his ‘’work’’. And years later, the divorce of Lolo and ‘’Hairy Ann’’ was finalized and my main man, little-Barry-Soetoro, changed his last name to Obama. That’s right that….The infamous Barrack Obama we know today, was once BabyFaced——Barry Soetoro!!!!

So as the story goes, his step-father Lolo later dies in 1987, of ‘’unknown causes’’ and quote ‘’secondary liver disease’’ whatever that means. And Barrack is ⅓ heir of the Indonesians CIA Operative’s Blood Money Fortune!!! And Barrack Obama claims $523 million dollars on his 1988 W2-income-tax-form. The year Kyriacos was born. Holy shit. That’s more coin than I have! Fuck you Gisele!!!!!!!!!!!!! You greedy bitch!!!!!!

And ALL thanks to ‘’Hairy Ann’’ and her ‘’love’’ for Lolo….who likely worked for the CIA as well. But alas, LOVE is love. That’s what I always say Chris. So sad Jordan Love is injured. Fuck ALL Jordans by the way. I hate Jordans. I got 7 rings!!! Fuck a Jordan!! (And he took that personally)

Welp, enough about all those funny coincidences in history. Let’s get into the games:

Kyriacos vs Ahsan

It’s NOT so easy is it ‘’going undefeated’’ Kyriacos??? You bitch!! I’ll never forget that 2007 Super Bowl. Eli did me on that day, like Ahsan did you Kyriacos this weekend! Like me when I kiss my kids…..Pucker up mothafucka!!! You’re 6-2 now huh?? At least I didn’t lose that year until the Super Bowl!! I was undefeated in the regular season. Shit, I’m so sorry Randy!!! You should have a ring. If only you were white!!! I woulda thrown you the ball MORE in the Big Game! Speaking of Big Games, Gottdahm…everyone of Ahsan’s went OFF!?!?! I mean Gibbs, Kelce, Jacobs….Tillman!!?!? Like, I love me some NO NAME wide receivers, but who the F is Tillman??! Does anyone know? Did anyone know besides Ahsan? Welp, Kyriacos you messed around and found the fuck out! Like your boxers after a long day, I hope you ENJOY this Long-Brown losing streak in your underwear, you bitch!!! Use water to wash your ass bro! Don’t wipe your ass like an animal??!? What are you a savage? Like Humza asked you, ‘’Do you just walk around all day with shit in your ass??’’ You shitty ass trashcanboi. You suck Kyriacos! Not even CeeDee’s Nutty SNF performance could save you. Congrats Ahsan! You are invited to my next wedding. Don’t worry it WILL be with a guy next time, Chris! I’m gay too! #MeGay2

Colten vs Nazim

Jesus H. Christ!!!—-Colten. 62 points? I have NO words. I have taken massive vegan shits that are harder than your team right now. No heart on this squad. 1 catch, 3 yards for Amari Cooper? Waste. 2 catches, 21 yards for Taysom Hill? Waste. Anthony Richardson, 34% passing completion on Sunday?? What a waste. Me and Bill would cut the whole team for this shit. Meanwhile, the early 2000s Patriots dynasty is on the other side? Jesus H. Christ—-Nazim? Yes, the H. does stand for ‘’Haram’’. Because even He ain’t saving us, from your inevitable league championship. Fuck! What is this team???? You seem to have everyone and their mom??? Is your mom single? I’m down. Haha. I’m very lonely. I’m beautiful, but damn, I need someone in my life. I’m not completely gay! I promise. (I’m kinda gay)…Haha…Butt, damn you are very very good at making trades. We are hiring in Las Vegas. Even though it’s the City of Dhanb, we would love to have you join the Raider Way!! Congrats Nazim. Just Win Baby!!! See you soon!

Ali vs Alex

Who would have thought it? Boseph Fucking Nix? Being a top 5 Fantasy QB??? Not me!! Not me, I say!!! Haha. This is insane. I guess he is almost my age—-As a damn rookie. Haha. But wow, that’s crazy!?! Good for him. Sean Payton sucks. I said it Parth. Sue me. James Cook and Joe Mixon do not suck however. They balled! Jordan Addison still looks like me in a Super Bowl parade (Drunk)…Haha. He’s gotta stop driving fucked up. Have a driver like I do. Rich people shit! Get on my level Jordan. I have 7 rings! Me > All Jordans! 23 and Me! -TB12!! Haha. Owned. I might be drunk again. Alex definitely not drinking after this one. Sorry Alex. Beers on me next week. (Haram)….Kyriacos says thank you for KirkoChainz…..He will invite you the Falcons Super Bowl watch party!!

Yaseer vs Sean

Wow. Jalen Hurts so damn good! Sean on his knees, underneath that TushPush pile…the Eagles schedule is insanley easy too. Crazy good for you Sean! Also you should be thankful for Kirko…He’s made Kyle Pitts look like a legit TE! Gronk—-I miss you! Yas, how do you have 4 QBs on your roster? And you pick the worst performer this week? Caleb Williams is and was so bad. I do like that Jayden Daniels kid….He is a gamer! Too black and fast though for my liking. White statue QBs > athletic QBs…Also Yas, you’re two TE set screwed you. Swift or Olave would have been better. Be better Yas. Sean is the victor this week. Moving to 4-4…the Cowboys .500….good job Sean!!

Parth vs Humza

You did it Humza! You have a Good Fantasy Team! I’ll build you a Dwayne Wade statue!! Aahhhhh. Halloween came early down in Miami. FTX was my nightmare on Miami’s Elm street. So scary. I trusted a Jew-fro’d CEO. My first mistake. I’m sorry Gisele. Please love me again. I didn’t mean for this. Just like Parth didn’t mean for Zamir White to be in his starting lineup. Don’t worry Parth, I will cut him for you. That’s the worst. Like Donte Stallworth back in 2009, getting away with hit-and-run drunk driving murder…He gone!! Speaking of drunk driving. The Jets offense is so damn drunk. Breece Hall is such a bust!! Let Braelon Allen have the reins! Overall, a great win by Humza. And he’s already contributed a lineup of future post writers! Thank you. Congrats Humza!

Chris vs Rimmel

Umm, wow. Rimmel has disappointed me. I’m like a Brown Father, staring down at that ONE B on a report card full of As….and that ONE B is burning a hole in my Islamic Soul….that’s what you have done to me Rimmel. But for you this week you get an F. You are an F grade to me. How dare you! How could you let this happen? How could you let Chris actually get a victory? He was supposed to go 0-14. It was written. As the Arabs say. I’m so sad. I am beyond disappointed. This is worse than that time you told your dad you didn’t want to be a doctor. I am disgusted. Chris, I will go gay for you though. It’s the least I can do. I am pretty like a girl, but I’m still a guy. And Julian Edelman always wore rubberz. I’ll get your phone number from my friend Diddy. Oh no, I probably shouldn’t have said that. I don’t know Diddy. I promise. Well fuck you Chris. I know I will soon. Congrats on the Win! You don’t deserve it. So disappointed Rimmel.

Well, I have a dumpster fire franchise to fix. Thanks Mr. Davis for entrusting me. Now just let me play QB. Pick me up for the playoffs off of the waiver wire! Trust me, I’ll kiss you if you do. (Just like my son, with tongue this time)