2025 Week 10 LoL FFL Post

Salam, football degenerates and accidental Ramadan snack hoarders! It’s me—your friendly neighborhood Disney/ESPN fat-cat, here to personally apologize for gutting your Monday Night Football like it was a stuffed lamb at Eid.

Yes, it’s true. I’m the guy who thought it was a brilliant idea to wrestle YouTube TV into submission over broadcasting fees. “Why not?” I said, swirling my overpriced qahwa while counting your subscription pennies like they were zakat. “Who cares if millions of fans go full fasting-mode on fantasy stats, as long as I can fund another private jet shaped like Mickey Mouse praying at the Qibla?”

You’re staring at a blank screen on Monday night, wondering if Josh Allen actually threw three touchdowns or if your fantasy roster quietly expired like a neglected prayer rug—completely my fault. I could have let you enjoy football like a normal human being, but nah. I went full corporate Sheitan, diving headfirst into pools of broadcast rights, Disney stock options, and advertising dollars, yelling, “Screw your fantasy playoffs, I need my yacht fueled by ESPN-branded tears, churros from EPCOT, and halal sushi!”

Week 10 is long gone. You can’t stream games. Your lineup decisions are blind. Your group chat is on fire. Meanwhile, I’m in a boardroom explaining that my greed is “strategic content monetization” while sipping a $32 salad that tastes like guilt, Fiqh, and a hint of investor anxiety. I’m the guy who negotiated that YouTube TV fee hike while eating caviar with a Mickey Mouse-shaped spoon, folks.

Anyway—good luck! May your kicker not be on a team I blacked out, and may your opponent forget to check waivers because they also can’t see highlights. Close your eyes and imagine me on national TV, being booed by angry fantasy managers wielding pitchforks, Chromecast remotes, and prayer beads.

Sincerely,The Greediest Bastard at ESPNRuiner of Monday Nights, Destroyer of Streaming Deals, Lord of the Blackout Zones, Sultan of Synergy, Architect of Disney+ Fee Hikes

Kyriacos vs. Humza

Week 10 kicked off like a full-blown halal apocalypse: Kyriacos got absolutely stomped by Humza 127.9–84.8, making my corporate battle with YouTube TV look like a charity bake sale. While I was busy hiking fees and blacking out your games like some evil genie, Humza was unleashing fantasy chaos.

Kyriacos’ team looked like it was fasting from success: Justin Fields threw like he was dodging my glare, Christian McCaffrey scraped together 13.6 points (barely enough to buy me another artisanal hummus platter), Kyle Pitts posted a tragic 4.8, and Matt Prater scored one lonely point—probably mourning your missing streams. Meanwhile, Humza rolled out the red carpet: Trey “Two-Mom” McBride exploded for 23 points, Jared Goff threw for 24 as if he was smiting my corporate soul personally, and the rest of his lineup danced like a perfectly choreographed Eid celebration. Kyriacos tried to stream advice via dial-up prayers while Humza’s squad ran like a Disney+ ad for perfection. And I? I toasted the destruction with overpriced green tea and whispered, “Alhamdulillah… at least someone’s offense isn’t buffering… unlike YouTube TV.”

Alex vs. Ali

Meanwhile, the soap opera of Alex vs. Ali unfolded like a Ramadan drama. Ali squeaked out a 97.1–84.0 win while I watched from my tower of greed, my office adorned with golden ESPN stock certificates and a life-sized Olaf wearing my custom suit. Alex’s team performed like a YouTube stream stuck on 144p: Jordan Addison faceplanted for 5 points, Chris Boswell kicked a majestic 5, and the rest of the lineup basically called in sick to Allah.

Ali’s squad, by contrast, looked like they’d been personally blessed by my greed: Matt Stafford remembered he’s a Super Bowl champ and threw for 26 points, while Tyler Bass reliably kicked 13, outperforming anyone I’ve ever fired for being “too consistent.” It wasn’t dominance—it was survival in the blackout wasteland I’ve created, a wasteland where YouTube TV fees go up and your access goes down.

Ahsan vs. Nazim

Nazim absolutely nuked Ahsan 137.4–75.1, turning the matchup into a bloodbath that made my contract negotiations look ethical by comparison. Jonathan Taylor went full biblical plague on Ahsan’s squad with 48.1 points, single-handedly obliterating playoff hopes.

Ahsan’s roster looked like it had been left out in a sandstorm: Bo Nix coughed up 5.8 points, DJ Moore contributed zero (the same number of games you could watch this week), and Brock Bowers limped in with 3.2. Meanwhile, I sipped overpriced kombucha and laughed like a corporate shaytan, counting the extra YouTube TV fees in my head.

Yaseer vs. Rimmel

Yaseer vs. Rimmel was like a late-night infomercial for heartbreak. Yaseer eked out a 120.3–110.3 win, powered by De’Von Achane’s 37.5-point psychotic sprint and George Kittle’s 18.9. Rimmel’s squad, meanwhile, was decimated by bye weeks, injuries, and my cruel blackout magic: Dallas Goedert managed a pitiful 6.3 points, less than ESPN+ contributes to your happiness.

Yaseer strutted to victory while Rimmel’s bench resembled a post-merger layoff list, and I whispered from my gold-plated office chair, “Another week, another blackout—but at least someone’s team streams in 4K, alhamdulillah… unlike the rest of you peasants on YouTube TV.”

Chris vs. Sean

Chris trounced Sean 125.7–103.5, with TreVeyon Henderson bulldozing to 27.5 points, Emeka Egbuka adding 20.5, and kicker Jason Myers somehow racking up 15 points. Sean’s stars staggered like injured Disney mascots: T.J. Hockenson 1.8, Justin Jefferson 5.7.

Chris cruised, Sean limped, and I toasted with a glass of shareholder tears, whispering, “At least someone’s kicker is fulfilling his destiny… unlike your streaming access or your hope of getting the next ESPN+ bundle without a 17% surcharge.”

Parth vs. Colten

Finally, Colten crushed Parth 127.9–101.4 while Parth’s team perpetually buffered like a Wi-Fi signal in a mosque during peak Zoom prayers. Jahmyr Gibbs went nuclear with 36.7 points, Kyle Williams exploded for 21.4, and Parth’s lineup committed acts of fantasy malpractice: Darnell Mooney 2 points, Zach Charbonnet rotting on the bench.

Colten soared like Disney stock after I hiked fees; Parth stumbled like me explaining “consumer goodwill” at the Friday meeting. I raised a champagne flute full of subscriber tears and whispered, “You can’t stream victory—but you can definitely profit from it, inshallah. And remember, YouTube TV pays for my caviar.”

Blowouts, bench tragedies, and broadcast chaos so greed-fueled you couldn’t watch a single highlight without seeing my smug, soulless face. As we march into the playoff push, remember: dominance wins, opportunism matters, and the rest of you get blacked-out and broke. Stack your rosters, check your lineups, and pray to whatever fantasy gods you believe in—because in this league, as in life, the greedy inherit the points, and the rest of you inherit buffering wheels.

Good luck, you beautiful gamblers. (Haram) May your touchdowns flow like my quarterly earnings, your streaming access remain marginally functional, and may YouTube TV pay me just enough to fund my next EPCOT adventure. Oh and FUCK CHRIS. The gay bastard.

THE DETAILS:

Week 10 Auction Report ($10+):

• Ali = Sean Tucker ($18) & Tez Johnson ($15)

Week 10 High/Low Points:

• Most = Nazim (137.4)

• Least = Ahsan (75.1)

HIGH TOTALS YTD:

• Rimmel = $10

• Nazim = $30

• Alex = $20

• Colten = $10

• Kyriacos = $10

• Humza = $10

• Ahsan = $10

LOW TOTALS YTD:

• Ali = 3

• Parth = 5

• Ahsan = 2

Close Games (<2 points):

• Week 1 = Colten (W) v Ahsan (100.9-100.5)

• Week 2 = None

• Week 3 = Yaseer (W) v Chris (85.6-84.1)

• Week 4 = None

• Week 5 = Nazim (W) v Humza (118.7-118.3)

• Weeks 6-10 = None

Semi-Close Games (2-5 points):

• Week 1 = Rimmel (W) v Humza (83.1-79.7)

• Weeks 2-3 = None

• Week 4 = Rimmel (W) v Nazim (123.2-118.7) & Ahsan (W) v Yaseer (121.1-116.6)

• Week 5 = Kyriacos (W) v Yaseer (106.3-102.5)

• Week 6 = Ali (W) v Parth (91.2-87.6)

• Weeks 7-8 = None

• Week 9 = Yaseer (W) v Ali (74.8-70.9)

• Week 10 = None

League Cup:

• Parth & Colten are ineligible for league cup this year

• Reminder that tiebreakers are now only points scored during the 3 weeks

• Good Luck to Everyone!

• Results after Week 1:

  • 1-0 = Nazim, Ahsan, Alex, Sean, Humza, and Rimmel

  • 0-1 = Chris, Kcos, Yas, and Ali

• Results after Week 2:

  • 2-0 = Ahsan, Alex, and Humza

  • 1-1 = Nazim, Rimmel, Sean, Kcos, and Yas

  • 0-2 = Ali and Chris

• Results after Week 3:

  • 3-0 = Humza

  • 2-1 = Ahsan, Alex, Nazim, and Yas

  • 1-2 = Rimmel, Sean, Kcos, Ali, and Chris

• Humza advances to championship week against...

• Tiebreaker for 2-1 teams becomes points scored during the 3 weeks:

  • Ahsan = 308.4

  • Alex = 327.6

  • Nazim = 390.8

  • Yaseer = 292.1

• By way of tiebreaker rules, Nazim advances to championship week during Week 11

  • Unfortunately for Nazim, the Colts are on a bye week and the bench is looking thin... Humza should be able to lock up league cup this year!