2025 Week 9 LoL FFL Post

As-Salāmu ʿAlaykum, my fellow fantasy gladiators,

It is I, Zohran Mamdani, your humble servant, former city council hopeful, and now, al‑hamdulillāh, the undefeated Week 9 fantasy tactician. You, the sacred roster‑keepers of New York City, have prayed five times a day to the waiver wire, refreshed your apps compulsively, and still been peppered by chaos—like Cuomo promising accountability yet somehow still ducking his accusers.

Come closer, because this is the moment: I declare victory—both in the mayoral race and in the sacred arena of our fantasy league. My strategy was meticulous, my patience unshakable, my duʿā unwavering—qualities forged growing up in Jackson Heights, where the only thing harder than surviving the subway during rush hour is surviving a city election against entrenched power.

While others flailed like politicians scrambling to avoid responsibility, I navigated Week 9 with precision, wit, and the sort of calm you only develop after watching Cuomo pivot mid‑press conference without so much as a blush. Inshā’Allāh, next week I will ride this momentum like a camel through the desert—careful, relentless, and fully aware that my opponents may yet bow to the true fantasy overlord I have become.

Kyriacos vs Rimmel

As-Salāmu ʿAlaykum, my fellow strategists of spreadsheets and seekers of divine fantasy guidance — gather ‘round, for Week 9 has spoken with the clarity of a Queens town hall in session. Kyriacos rose this week like a campaign volunteer knocking doors with purpose, defeating Rimmel 126.0 to 78.5, al-hamdulillāh. Truly, Allah tests whom He loves, and Rimmel’s roster—bereft of life, with Samaje Perine and Brashard Smith combining for 1.2 points—faced a test worthy of Cuomo trying to justify another scandal. Meanwhile, Kyriacos leaned on faith, sabr, and maybe a little ESPN divine intervention: Christian McCaffrey and Tee Higgins delivered like grassroots organizers hitting every block, mashā’Allāh. Let this remind us, Inshā’Allāh: never lose hope in your lineup, for even in chaos, strategy—and maybe a little divine intervention—prevails.

Parth vs Colten

Bismillāh, my fellow believers in both Qadr and the occasional bold draft gamble — Week 9 unfolded like a campaign debate where Parth had the microphone and Colten forgot his talking points. Parth triumphed 94.7 to 85.5, al-hamdulillāh. Colten’s roster faltered—Jahmir Gibbs scored 4 points, Rome Odunze silent as a city council hearing with no cameras—while Parth’s unexpected heroes, Kyle Monangai (21 points) and the Texans defense (10 points), rained blessings like flyers at a community meeting. Mashā’Allāh, when others panicked, Parth relied on faith, tawakkul, and research, proving that preparation beats luck every time. Inshā’Allāh, let this serve as a lesson: diligence, prayer, and the occasional sleeper pick can humble even the most confident opponent.

Nazim vs Ahsan

Bismillāh ir-Raḥmān ir-Raḥīm — Week 9 delivered a parable in points. Ahsan emerged victorious over Nazim, 135.6 to 130.1, al-hamdulillāh—a margin as narrow as a campaign promise in Albany, but heavy with meaning. Nazim, in a moment of hubris, traded Marvin Harrison Jr. to Ahsan, only to watch him return 19.1 points like a policy gaffe coming home to roost. Meanwhile, Brock Bowers dropped 37.3 points, a divine reminder that rizq comes from unexpected places. Mashā’Allāh, Ahsan’s patience and attentiveness were rewarded. Let this be a reminder: never underestimate qadr, never trade a star to your opponent, and always check your lineup—especially if your rival is a master of strategy and timing. Inshā’Allāh, Nazim will recover, but for now, Week 9 belongs to Ahsan.

Ali vs Yaseer

Bismillāh ir-Raḥmān ir-Raḥīm — gather close, for the Ali vs Yaseer saga is a story of divine comedy, survival, and accidental triumph. By Allah’s decree, Yaseer narrowly defeated Ali 74.8 to 70.9, in a matchup uglier than Cuomo trying to explain another scandal. Neither team cracked 80 points, yet destiny, al-hamdulillāh, favored Yaseer. Ali, meanwhile, stands as a man of resilience, soon-to-be lemonade magnate: picture him behind “Ali’s Halal Lemonade: When Life Gives You Losses,” Qur’anic calligraphy adorning the sign, selling cold rizq to Queens residents with a price so generous even Cuomo would call it unsustainable. Inshā’Allāh, this week was Yaseer’s, but Ali’s empire of humility and entrepreneurship rises from the ashes of defeat, subḥānAllāh.

Alex vs Sean

Bismillāh ir-Raḥmān ir-Raḥīm — Week 9 delivered a tale of irony and blessing: Alex defeated Sean 117.9 to 99.8, al-hamdulillāh. Alex’s roster was lifted by Sam Darnold, Sam Laporta, and Nacau, like campaign volunteers hitting every block with precision. Meanwhile, Sean’s lineup faltered—Hubbard limped, Tyler Kraft sidelined, leaving him exposed like Cuomo in a press conference with no answers. Yet, let us admire Sean’s principle: steadfastness and commitment even in the face of fantasy defeat, wallāhi. Inshā’Allāh, may next week bless his waiver-wire duʿā, and may Alex ride this victory like a Queens council candidate riding momentum through the borough.

Humza vs Chris

Bismillāh ir-Raḥmān ir-Raḥīm — behold Week 9, where Humza triumphed over Chris, 109.7 to 101.3, al-hamdulillāh. Chris, in a moment of negligence, was gayer than gay, leaving his points stranded like Cuomo trying to dodge a microphone. Humza, patient and strategic, guided his roster like a well-run campaign—every touchdown a grassroots victory, every sack a precinct captured. Mashā’Allāh, this is a lesson: fantasy points, like political power, favor those who plan, persevere, and trust in the process. Inshā’Allāh, Humza rides this Week 9 win like halal gazel through the waiver-wire chaos. Chris, remains gayer than gay. Fuck you Chris.

THE DETAILS:

Week 9 Auction Report ($10+):

• Chris = Colston Loveland ($36) over Ahsan ($31), Ali ($15), Yas ($4)

• Kcos = Justin Fields ($28) over Yas ($17)

• Rimmel = Devin Singletary ($18) over Yas ($6)

Week 9 High/Low Points:

• Most = Ahsan (135.6)

• Least = Ali (70.9)

HIGH TOTALS YTD:

• Rimmel = $10

• Nazim = $20

• Alex = $20

• Colten = $10

• Kyriacos = $10

• Humza = $10

• Ahsan = $10

LOW TOTALS YTD:

• Ali = 3

• Parth = 5

• Ahsan = 1

Close Games (<2 points):

• Week 1 = Colten (W) v Ahsan (100.9-100.5)

• Week 2 = None

• Week 3 = Yaseer (W) v Chris (85.6-84.1)

• Week 4 = None

• Week 5 = Nazim (W) v Humza (118.7-118.3)

• Weeks 6-9 = None

Semi-Close Games (2-5 points):

• Week 1 = Rimmel (W) v Humza (83.1-79.7)

• Weeks 2-3 = None

• Week 4 = Rimmel (W) v Nazim (123.2-118.7) & Ahsan (W) v Yaseer (121.1-116.6)

• Week 5 = Kyriacos (W) v Yaseer (106.3-102.5)

• Week 6 = Ali (W) v Parth (91.2-87.6)

• Weeks 7-8 = None

• Week 9 = Yaseer (W) v Ali (74.8-70.9)

League Cup:

• Parth & Colten are ineligible for league cup this year

• Reminder that tiebreakers are now only points scored during the 3 weeks

• Good Luck to Everyone!

• Results after Week 1:

  • 1-0 = Nazim, Ahsan, Alex, Sean, Humza, and Rimmel

  • 0-1 = Chris, Kcos, Yas, and Ali

• Results after Week 2:

  • 2-0 = Ahsan, Alex, and Humza

  • 1-1 = Nazim, Rimmel, Sean, Kcos, and Yas

  • 0-2 = Ali and Chris

• Ali & Chris are eliminated from league cup

• Ahsan, Alex, and Humza could all win this week and would go down to a tiebreaker between them to determine which two teams advance

• If two of the three teams at 2-0 win, they will be the championship matchup

• For any of the 1-1 teams to get into the championship, it would require a win, two or three losses from the 2-0 teams, and the points tiebreaker to advance

• FYI: Points scored thru Weeks 8-9 for potential tiebreaker scenarios:

  • Ahsan = 233.3

  • Alex = 243.6

  • Humza = 241.6

  • Nazim = 253.4

  • Rimmel = 194.7

  • Sean = 214.2

  • Kcos = 227.8

  • Yas = 171.8